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Friday, August 18, 2017

A guy name Greyson Chance

I've been depressed all over again just like the old me going through another dark moment of my life so I went browsing randomly to cheer myself up and somehow I came to think about Greyson Chance and start watching his YouTube videos especially live performances and interviews. 


I always love to see the way he perform, so sincere and full of passion in every live performance. His performance feel so different even when he is singing the same song. I prefer to listen to his voice with nothing else but piano melody more than his studio records. Maybe because I can feel his desire to live life to his fullest, doing what he love, looking at the positive instead of the negative and I was very attracted to his dazzling smile. I love his sweet smile a lot. I admit i started to google about him because he is good looking, not because of his talent first.


I think I know the existence of a kid name Greyson Chance around year 2011 or 2012 without realizing he got famous via paparazzi cover in year 2010 when he was only 12 years old. He came to Malaysia for the very first time in November 2011 to promote Hold On Till the Night album. Back then, I don't know who he was. I was in IPC Shopping Centre looking at the stage with his poster on it on the very same day he came but i reached a few hours later. All I did that day was staring at the poster thinking this kid is cute and might look handsome when he grew up. 
p.s. I was in college that time and Greyson Chance is only 13 or 14. So it's kinda impossible for a grown up goes fangirling over a kid right?I'm an adult 5 years older and puberty haven't hit him yet.
   

Few months later (2012), I went back to my hometown for internship, did my intern, got confused with what I want to do with my life, mainly regarding whether I should continue my degree in architecture or not after diploma and watching random tv channel and then I saw a familiar face on the tv but can't recall who that is. That channel was playing Greyson Chance MV 'Sunshine and City Lights'. The song and that a little bit grown up handsome face kinda get my attention and that's when I start googling about him,watching his latest videos, interviews and listening to his earlier album songs. I was obsessed with his songs and him and become elderly Enchancer. Other fans were kids and so tiny, I felt odd liking him.



His songs and lyrics back then were mostly positive and motivational. I really like waiting outside the lines. I feel like I'm always stuck in the same position, afraid of taking chances just like the way the lyrics describe. The older I grow, the more courage I lose. This song make me think about my life, not daring to take a step out of my familiar surrounding even though I feel like I'm living in hell. The unknown that might happen makes me worry things might get worse once I crossed the line. Did this song change my life? Nope. In the end I ended up continuing degree in architecture because I was too afraid to take the chance switching to another course. Little did I know I will regret with this choice.

Being stuck away from home as a student again, I always listen to his songs to feel good. I think I like him best when he was 15. Really like the songs from his Truth Be Told Part 1 EP especially live version where he perform with his band on some random streets. He was young (and is still young) yet he gives off the old dude vibe. He seems matured and childish, serious and playful, happy and pained like having a totally opposite personality going on at the same time. And he always say there's an old man living inside him answering he's 45 instead of 15. This make him old and young too?

When I start to like a celebrity, I like to know about his personality, his life and anything that seems travial because all these feel real. So, I kinda found out that he reads lots of books, all time favourite was Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix ( me too), quite good in studies, really smart, often gives wise advices, like really old school stuffs, watch old movies and listen to oldies, dare to do things he likes and admit it even if those are some really weird things that seems uncool. Knowing him makes me think it's ok to be myself, be comfortable and be true to who I really am no matter how weird I might look in the eyes of others. I used to be the kid that enjoy being myself, do whatever I think right without considering how others see me. As I grew older, I started to care about how others see me. I seek for glory. I want to be praise by others and I want to be the perfect girl in others eyes. Slowly, I start to lose myself, forgot what I really desire and forgot about my dreams. I felt lost and afraid of bad judgement from people around me.The up and down like roller coaster life make me feel sick and coming across to know Greyson Chance make me realize the importance of staying grounded.

That time being a new fan was like entering a particularly severe love bubble where I wish I can meet him real soon. That feeling might be similar to those newly together couple. I missed him twice when he was here, Malaysia. Both time he was here were before I start liking him and before I know who he is. Since he came in 2011 and 2012, I thought he might come again in 2013 and waited while listening to whatever videos of him performing and following his twitter account. Usually he only update about himself, his music, his pets and his career. He seldom post his activities with friends and family unless during some special occasion. Maybe this is a way of being protective to people dear to him especially his friends. Whenever he got tagged by his friends in group photos, fans will start guessing which girl in those photos is his girlfriend and some irrational fans even disturb those girls :/

Occasionally, he post snippet of new musics he is working on and a bit of his daily photos producing new songs and lyrics and books he is currently reading. To know about his personal life, enchancer have to wait for his Twitter Q and A session and ask whatever we wish to know. While waiting for news of his new album and next tour to Asia, he went on hiatus. Rumors start spreading about him giving up being a singer. Enchancer got panicked, keep on tweet and dm him until he responded. He posted an open letter online explaining what is going on. During his Asia tour, his voice literally change overnight. While he was still adjusting to his new voice and insist on making his own music, he got dropped out by his company, need to deal with lots of legalities to get everything sorted out. Throughout this process, he discovered new music and promised he will continue making music although he don't know when his next official album or EP will come out. And there goes my dream of meeting him vanished.
He did release a few singles for supposingly next album/ep namely Planet X. His music style changed. From his music, you can feel that life's been harsh on him and his songs sound sad. Among those songs, I like Temptation most. Other songs not really the kind of style I like but since I helplessly fall for him, I still like him although his music style changed. I also always like the fact that he refer himself as musician instead of singer or artist. He is the type of guy that will try all the different music style and discover the one he like most or suit him most instead of following the trend of pop music just to get famous. He make music sincerely because of passion and not fame. After those few singles, I stopped using twitter. Only follow his Facebook and Instagram after I got myself a new smartphone. Thus, without twitter, I hardly keep up with his news. He kinda like disappeared since he is not the social media guy. He seldom update his Insta and Facebook. If he did online, he will usually spend his time tweeting while my only source of him is his instagram and.......he's not very active there. Slowly, I got left out, not updated with his news.

In year 2016 via Insta, I found out he will be releasing his new EP Somewhere Over My Head and slightly shocked because I heard nothing about release of Planet X. That was suppose to be next album. Spontaneously, I searched his songs on his YouTube channel and found 5 new songs. None of it from his snippet and live performances that said to be release in Planet X album. Listening all his new songs and watching his new MV Back on The Wall,
I went WTF!!!
What did I missed?
Greyson drink and smoke?
What happened to the good boy that I once know?


His look did changed and I realized that (via Insta). The time I start liking him he just start growing taller from 170cm to 175cm and when he went hiatus he post new photos once a while and we can see he reached 185cm, tried a few hairstyles, start the bad boy wanna be image but I didn't expect he smokes. After listening to his songs and stalk his insta photos all over again, I came to one conclusion. He grew up and still growing up. He is 18/19 years old when SOMH is released. His new music become kinda depressing, he photos for new EP look sad. Quite a lot must have happened this few years. He always keep his personal non music related life private and he won't say what happened besides moving forward and found new music. I was worry he is not the same guy that I used to like. Thus, I stalked a bit of his recent interviews and performances. Thank God he is still the same Greyson. Still have the passion towards music, bang the piano keys beautifully, sing with all his heart and always end his performances with a satisfying smile that melt every Enchancer's heart. He is still the same guy I like just a little older, very interested in politics, a lot taller and a bit darker instead of being all positive where he used to be.
He came Malaysia last year on my birthday and a few days around 'my day' to promote his new EP. I really did wish to meet him but I was damn broke as I just started my career as insurance agent, facing lots of up and down with no money in my pocket. The sad  reality that I always do not want to admit is "I need money to make my dream come true". I was stucked feeling emo. It sucks when he was in Malaysia and I couldn't meet him because I got no money. He was soooooooooo near yet so far. All I can do was listening to hitz fm when he goes on air and clicking like on his insta photos with the famous highway runaway ostrich. Until today I'm still jealous of this ostrich Cheekaboo.



This year, he released a few singles on spotify, busy with his 2nd year university life (most fans suspected he is taking political science), welcome his 20th birthday and 'boom' us with a surprising news few weeks before his birthday. He came out as gay via Instagram after receiving a message from a brave individual. Never came across my mind he is gay. He had a few ex-girlfriends. We can confirm one because the girl's name is on the piano in his Waiting Outside The Lines MV. His previous music inspiration were stories of how some girls broke his heart. He wrote that he came to fully realized he is gay when he was 16 and did not publicize due to privacy. Reading the whole message I feel heartache. Heartache not because he is my musician crush ( I don't want to use the word celebrity or singer ) but because of the weight he carried keeping his sexuality secret and the years dealing with it living in a world with people despise gay. He grew up in a church singing gospel reading bible and his religious is against lgbt. Some people commented God create Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. I grew up having a few lesbian friends and recently make a new friend who is gay so I've got nothing against people sexuality. More on neutral, neither support not against them. But after a few hours finding out Grey is gay, I heart feels like being dumped by boyfriend and can't get over it although I said I support him no matter what. After a while, I got the feeling of still being madly in love knowing it will be unreturn love. Hahaha. I feel silly and miraculous having so many different feeling towards a guy I never met and he don't even know I exist. I wish I can know more about him. I think I'll continue to like him for a really long time and I need to work very hard and seriously now so that next time he come Malaysia, I'm financially prepare to meet him. Doesn't matter it is in Kuala Lumpur, Penang, Kota Kinabalu or Kuching. If possible and financially allow, I will go all the places (in Malaysia) he is going to do fan meeting or at least one of the location.
Damn, I think I don't like this kid. I am in love with him.
p.s. took me weeks to write all these. Didn't expect it will be this long.