something

people...

i guess my fear come from this...

1st day of class...

50++classmates for architectural course...

2 weeks before study week,

20+ classmates...

a week before study week....

only remain 8 people~~~~~~~~~~~!

reasons:

i)lim kok wing university suddenly give everyone that register 60% discount due to some negative rumors which i don't know what

ii)those who pay fees through ptptn almost ALL ran away because they can't get the loan due to MQA problem.

(architectural course=so say HARD to get qualification.as we know,only 2-3 private universities and colleges pass all 3 stage of qualification.ours...only pass 2 stage =[ )

iii)change course because of the ptptn problem

iv)disappear without reasons

v)reasons that i don't know

argh....i don't understand why i am always the victim...

always a loser,

failure,

unfortunate in life.

i hate extremely bumpy life.

why can't i meet flat road?

haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

something i found in facebook....

据说酒窝是这么来的：

相传人死后，过了鬼门关便上了黄泉路，路上盛开着只见花,不见叶的彼岸花。

花叶生生两不见,相念相惜永相失,路尽头有一条河叫忘川河，河上有一座奈何桥。

有个叫孟婆的女人守候在那里，给每个经过的路人递上一碗孟婆汤，凡是喝过孟婆汤的人就会忘却今生今世所有的牵绊，了无牵挂地进入六道，或为仙，或为人，或为畜。

孟婆汤又称忘情水，一喝便忘前世今生。一生爱恨情仇，一世浮沉得失，都随这碗孟婆汤遗忘得干干净净。今生牵挂之人，今生痛恨之人，来生都相见不识。

可是有那么一部分人因为种种原因，不愿意喝下孟婆汤，孟婆没办法只好答应他们。但在这些人身上做了记号，这个记号就是在脸上留下了酒窝。这样的人，必须跳入忘川河，受水淹火炙的磨折等上千年才能轮回，转世之后会带着前世的记忆、带着那个酒窝寻找前世的恋人。

所以朋友们请珍惜身边脸上有酒窝的那个人，无论是亲人、朋友，因为他（她）也许是你前世的恋人，经过千年等待来寻找前世情缘未了的人，去完成前世未了的心愿，请永远不要去伤害他（她），因为不是谁都有勇气跳入忘川河，等上千年煎熬之苦。

盼： 来生，再续前缘...

愿： 来生，还能再见...

i don't really understand and can't read all the words but i guess i get the main point =)

well..

i's about someone with dimple....

the reason they got dimple and bla bla bla....

said about 'man po' soup...

the chinese believes that everyone drinks this soup before rebirth...

the article...

is it an article?

well...don't know...haha =D

don't care =P

it says that dimple=a mark

people who got dimple actually trade with the old woman known as 'man po'.

due to certain reasons,they are not willing to drink the soup.

not willing to forget their past life.

'man po' does not has any choice.

she promises them but mark them with dimple and make them jump into the river忘川河,(i've no idea what river is that...)suffer the feeling of drowning and being burn(or something like that)up to a thousand year before they rebirth.

then,they'll bring alone the dimples and the memory of the previous life to look for their lover from the past life.

i think this.....

is kinda.....

stupid.

why choose to suffer just to find the lover?

i don't think it worth.

yet i got dimple...

oops....

haha =D

the last part request everyone to appreciate those who have dimple and don't ever hurt them^^

well...

my conclusion:someone with dimples created this because he/she want to be appreciate.

anyway,

FRIENDS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i APPRECIATE ALL of you no matter you have dimple or not =)

p.s.if what stated in it is true,i keep my memory of previous life with dimple mark on me because i want to find back my family members and the friends i appreciate.

fear...

seriously...

i don't understand why...

don't understand why i always live in fear.

i scared almost everything.

not those small little stupid things such as dark,ghost,snakes etc (although i scared some of them :P)

i scared my life will go worst.

i scared i've got no future.

i scared i'll change and become someone horrible and so on.

i don't know why i always scared of things that i never know when will it happen or will it ever happen.

perhaps i'm tooooooo free and nothing distract me from thinking negatively???

uh...

i don't know.

and i guess perhaps i'll never ever know till the end of my life....

home sweet home :)

reached home yesterday around 8.20pm.
tired....
the whole bus not more than 20 passengers.
i can take 2 seats.
1 for my bag =D

on the way back,
i saw a banner written "Pameran Keranda XXX"(i can't remember the last word =() with a picture of half skeleton half ghost tingy and a 'keranda'...
i was like...

EW~~~~~~~~~~~!

why can't they have the 1 Simone mention?

titanic is much more cooler...

when i think again...

they did the right thing.

hungry ghost month got pameran keranda=spookier than usual...

but i won't go :P

hahaha :D

in the bus after i ate my dinner(2 slices of tuna bread and 1 peanut butter) i read a book i brought because cheap.

regret...kinda boring...

i saw a white man and a white lady reading in the bus too.

this make me go haiz~~~

malaysian...

if you want to see them holding books everywhere they go is harder than...

getting the chance to see me crying.

LOL~~~~~~~!

did you see me crying before?

no right?

haha...that's what i am trying to say :P

let's get to something more personal about me.

i tried to read in the bus but i start getting dizzy after 10 minutes or so.

in fact,i was already not feeling well when i'm in lrt on my way to bus station.

i suffer badly throughout the journey until i reached ipoh =(

not only headache,i even start having difficulty in breathing and

I FORGOT TO BUY ASAM to eat on the way back!

sour tingy help a lot to make me feel better yet i forgot!!!

worst still,my 6th sense told me i will headache,

i packed 风油 along but put in the wrong bag!

urgh~!

whole journey=headache+can't breathe+hungry(although i ate bread)

1st time ever i suffer this way and i can't find anything to make me feel better.

food...

i don't have

warm water...

i don't have

风油...

i also don't have!

1st time ever i feel sick without anything around me that can help me feel better!!!
i wanted to drink warm water soooooooooo much cause it is the best yet simple solution

BUT

I CAN'T EVEN GET SUCH SIMPLE THING AT THE MOMENT I NEED IT DESPERATELY~~~~~~~~~!

1st time ever i feel like i wanted to stop taking all the food that make me weaker.

no more ice-cream

no more cold drinks

no more milo

no more curry

no more laska

no more chilli sauce

no more deep fried food

='(

１ST　ｔｉｍｅ
in my life i feel like the food i like to eat not worth to make me suffer like this.
i even feel like crying but i didn't :)
because to me crying=weak
i don't want to be weaker.
i am weak enough.

........................

however....
after recover from the suffering moment around 3-4 hours,
i think giving up those food i love=SILLY!
human live for food la~ XD
hehe...

100th post?

it doesn't really matter because i always post more than 1 stuff in a post....
i've been wanting to post blog more than 5 times a week but that time i can't online...
mum forgot to pay the bill....
and now...
i can't really remember what i want to post. =.=lll



yesterday...
i got a phone call from my mum...
few days one call from her=normal.
just that yesterday she told me something else that make me feel sad and feel like i'm so timid and useless.....
i hate this kind of feeling yet i always experience it.
i hate the fact that unfortunate events always happen on me and people around me.
i hate the fact that people whom i care always fall in trouble.


yesterday my mum told me that my grandpa (father's side) suddenly headache while riding his motor.then,he kinda inbalance and fell down.grandpa now don't dare to go out...
always stay inside the house...
not only that...my grandpa also start..
well...you know...when human start aging they lost some sense...
'berak & kencing tanpa pengetahuan sendiri'...
(pardon me...due to my stupidity,i don't know what this sickness called)


now 'great'~!!
nobody in the house can take care of him and grandma.
usually my grandpa is the one goes out and buy vege,meat and daily stuff for the family because my youngest aunt(姑姑) work in singapore while my grandparents and my eldest aunt staying in johor.

youngest aunt only go back once a week because she's very busy.
she's very pity....
really...
in singapore after work she has to take care her husband.
her husband fell down while fixing air-cond last year.
due to that fall,
he has to sit on the wheelchair.
he can't walk.
half of his body can't move.
hemiplegia...is this the correct word?
whatever....

what about the eldest aunt?
the eldest aunt can't help much...
the main reason she can't help much not because she can't speak.
it's because her parents had pampered her due to her disability and always let her does anything she like.
she's 40++ but she can't even take care of herself.
she only know how to cook maggi mee and fried french fries.
now she can cook other stuff.
she just start cooking recently but i doubt the taste.
she also start cleaning up the house for the 1st time in her life at the age of 40+.
she start doing chores because my grandma can't walk or stand long even with the help of 'tongkat'.
i went there once.2 months ago.
the place don't seem clean especially the windows.
got lots of birds and lizards turd.
the time i was there,my mum help to do the cleaning.

now i...
i feel like going there to help.
the cleaning up and cooking.
the responsibilty to take care them make me feel like going there.
i'm the eldest grandchild.
i have to do something.
i MUST do something before it's too late.
i don't want to continue hating myself for doing nothing.

i want to have the ability to earn money soon.
not those small little amount from part time jobs.
i want to have the ability to earn a lot.
i want to help them.
my aunt and uncle are very good people.
they don't deserve to suffer this way.
i hate to believe what i see.
what i always see is that good people always suffer and bad people always enjoy their life.
I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY THE WORLD IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMN UNFAIR!
WHY kind people can't have good life?
why must they suffer like this?????

i got 3 weeks sem break next month start from 6th sept till 26th sept.
before my mum called me i actually planned to find jobs to fill up the holidays.
i don't want to go back to ipoh 1st.
but now i think i've to cancel this plan and replace it with going to johor 1 week?

2 weeks?

3 weeks?

urgh...
i don't know...
what can i do?
what should i do?
who can tell me?

i feel worst when my mum told me that my aunt,uncle and grandpa deposit some money to my account for me to use.
use as living cost while they are facing problems~~~~~~~!
they should've use the money to hire a nurse, a maid or someone that can help them!
not give it to me!!!!!!!!!!
i hate the feeling of taking money/using money that earn by others.
I'M NOT QUALIFY FOR THAT AND I CAN'T ACCEPT!!!!
I know start taking part time jobs now...
work and study at the same time perhaps will affect my studies ＢＵＴi don't want to continue stretching my hand out for money.
i'm quite good in saving money since i'm stingy.
i think i can earn my own living cost since i've 3 weeks sem break and next sem only got 3 subjects.
i think i can manage my time.
anyone here support me to do part time jobs?

p.s.the agreement i sign for scholarship don't allow me to work but who cares?
they won't know...