刮画

this is some kind of art...
i don't know what it's call in english......
i've use a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time to complete it.
nice or not?
the part i like the most is this...

the phoenix...haha~!
while making this...i've got crazzzzy...
suddenly simply do...like putting other pattern on top of the place that already have pattern...because they look empty...
i thought i'll get scolded but teacher said nice!OMG~!
said special...no one did that before....
told her i simply make only...
she said you got your own style....swt.....
haha~!
lucky~~~~~~~=)

recently...

actually recently i've got lots of feelings...
lots of things that i wish to post but i don't have the time...='(
haiz~~~~~

everyday before i sleep,lots of things swimming in my mind...
i kept on telling myself i wanted to post them when i wake up BUT
everytime i wake up,i forgot....
haiz~~~~~

maybe those aren't important stuff...
that's why i can't remember any of them.
but when i think again...
less than 10% of my blog posts are important!
haha~!=P

hmm~~~
what do i want to say?
a thing that keep on bothering me recently...
everytime i was on my way to pasir puteh's ulcc branch...
i'll see a bridge.
since 2 weeks ago,everytime i saw that bridge a beggar pop out...
the beggar only exist in my mind...
not under the bridge.
but i saw him inside my mind...
saw him begging for money although he still has his hands and legs...
he is someone that has blood relation with me...
whenever those image appear,
i...
i.........
i.............
feel
guilty....
as if i cause this happen.
but~
it's his fault right?
why should i blame myself???
i don't understand.
i can't understand what am i thinking.
i can't understand my own feelings.
i don't know why should i feel the blame.
i don't know why i keep on blaming myself for everything that goes wrong around me...
maybe i'm used to it...

shouldn't said too much details about the 'beggar' since i still don't know is the rumours 100% true and the beggar's identity...
i can't post here....
temporary only two/three people knows bout the beggar thingy...
if you wish to know his identity/about this tingy...
ask me in msn...more private....
although i know perhaps not more than 5 people come to my blog but still...i can't post here....
hope this beggar tingy won't disturb me.........

p.s.is it because of chinese new year=reunion that make me think about the beggar and his family and those reunion dinner thing that frighten me?
ah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever.....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW~~~~~!
can i choose to forget...
i want to delete some part of my memory.....
please hit my head so that i'll forget it...
thanks.

monday...

should have posted this a few days ago but lazzzzzzzy and busy watching dramas...
those dramas...watch because want to relax...
don't have special feelings towards them...
neither like nor dislike...just watch for nothing~~~
lame~~~~~~~~~

back to the 'main' topic...
recently maybe because of stress,every monday i feel like going out.
want to go shopping or movie...
2 weeks ago went out with Simone.
last week with nobody because no one is free,parents don't give and etc reasons....
anyway...
two days ago...
i went out with Hong An Nei.
seriously,on sunday when she said she can go out to watch movie with me i was extremely SHOCKED~!
she mother is super duper protective towards her~!
didn't allow her to go out with friends before~!
even the time i organize (kononnya me) the BBQ her mother afraid her friends will kidnap her la and so on...
i was so happy and i called her using house phone to confirm the time and place we'll meet.
(since my phone spoil and she didn't online)

we went to watch Avatar because people around me said it's nice and the time of the movie matches our free time.
movie started at 11.30am.
i reached jusco around 11.05am.(i was late)
when i reached MacD,i wanted to sms her using my sis's phone(took it without permission since she always does that to me)i heard her mom's voice!
"leng lui,typing what ar~?'
"oi,oh auntie...hello"
(so..her mum is coming along and watch the movie together with us just like i've expected???
never mind...i don't mind as long as i got a chance to get out of the house and those scary working hours...haha=D)
"so..only you two watch movie?now i left both of you alone la...remember to be careful...don't look at leng zai and mouth watering ar...while watching movie...be careful with the people around
don't look at guys and fatt hao ar..."
"aiyar~auntie...don't worry!things like these won't happen on us~!hehe~~~"
(psst...the truth is that ipoh got no leng zai la~and we are not la la mui...)

i think i've convince her mom successfully.
she left without the letters W-O-R-R-Y on her face.
haha=D
so we walked to buy tickets.
1st thing i said is...
"i'm so happy being same hight with you~~~~~~!haha=P
i can't find my sneakers...ended up wearing heels because it seems rude to wear slippers..."
"oh~good loh"
erm...then i crapped a lot....

before we watch movie...
i brought combo 2 i think...
got two coke and 1 large popcorn.
belanja An Nei 1 coke.
while watching movie...
we was extremely silent.
offered her popcorn but she refuse to eat said that she's full...
offered a few times but she only ate 1!!!!!!!
OMG~!
the movie ended in 2 1/2 hours.
my popcorn's life ended in 1 1/2 hour!
haha~~~!
i ended it's life myself!alone!
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~~~~~~~~!

Avatar quite nice...
feel like watching those movies by a japanese director/writer...
the director of the movie Howl's moving castle,laputa and so on....
don't know his/her name....
I LOVE THE SCENERY!!!
LOVE THOSE FORESTS~!
everything look so nice and so real although it's very obvious it's not reality....
at night in the place name pandora,some of the plants glow~!
those neon colours yet not too bright until make you feel uncomfortable.

this movie...
i thought it got lots of wars,lots of action but it's much more naive than i thought....

it make me think about me...
am i normal?
i never think of such naive way even when i was a kid...
i didn't ever dream of glowing forests....
didn't ever think in a naive way like them...
i was a poor kid?don't know how to enjoy childhood?
because in my mind money=VERY important since i'm 5!
OMG~!
super duper realistic....
while watching,i think a lot...
if you want something,you have to lose something...
why can't we have both?
movies...not all good survive...
some have to die to get the peace...
the bad ones???
only dies after thousand or millions of innocent life sacrifices...
haiz~~~
what will i need to sacrifice to get something i want?
i don't wnt to sacrifice anything...
hmm~~~

back to the outing...
after the movie...
we went MacD to have our lunch...
i've ordered lunch set... prosperity burger...muahahaha~!
An Nei only ordered french fries as lunch?!!!
OMG~!
while eating....
she said"now i found out that you can eat a lot..."
Simone said the same thing 2 weeks ago...
"yup~!that's why i'm F-A-T!haha~~~!i've should say now only i found out you don't eat..."
we crapped a lot...
oops~no...
i crapped a lot...not we...
we talked about our experience while learning how to drive...
keep on 'mati enjin' because the clutch let go too much...
from the chit-chat time...found out the reason her mother let her out...
1st...
father gave permission not mother.
2nd...
H.A.N. voice out(at last...)saying her mother always don't let her go to friends birthday party,don't let her go shopping with friends,don't let her watch movie...etc...
3rd...
her aunt told her mom that her mom is over protective...said her mom should let her try to go out with friends...

her mom actually did try to come and watch movie together with us BUT her aunt said
"hou sam lei loh...lei you gen hui ar~yao mou gao chor ar?"
haha=D
i told HAN i don't mind although her mom want come along...haha~!
anyway,

i'm happy to be the 1st friend of hers that went out together and watch movie~
proud...haha~!
although ckm can't come but still i was happy because got friend accompany me during my holiday...

before we left...i forced her to take a picture with me=)
still don't know how to hold camera properly...
hehe....
can't see whole face and both of us also looked weird~~~
haha~!

unfortunately...next week and the next also won't have friend accompany me le...=(
now i'm wishing to get my salary soon because I NEED MONEY~~~~~~!
AH~~~~~~~~~~~!

who am i???

i don't know...


p.s.i don't mean my name...
i mean my characteristic....
i keep on changing and i don't know which is the real me...

friday...
suppose to work from 9am-11am...
then continue working from 3pm to 10pm.
11am-3pm i didn't go home.
i stayed there to continue the work i didn't complete two days ago.
then i thought i'll have plenty of time to colour the things i should long time ago but...
in the end only 1 hour left for me to colour them... haiz~=(
actually also planned to use 1 hour to sleep but no time for that...haiz~

continue working from 3pm till 5pm at ipoh jaya.
then went to pasir puteh branch...
start working from 6pm-10pm.
very tired~~~!
argh~!
reached home around 11.15pm.
after bath and continue those handwork sample that i need to touch up for chinese new year...
1.30am only sleep~!

saturday worst~!
can't wake up on time~!
that stupid alarm spoil!
need to reach there at 8.30am but i woke up at 8.15am!!!!!!
rush like mad~!
looked at the mirror...
gosh~!my eye~!
left eye bengkak...
kinda pain...
i look like ghost...until now still bengkak...:'(

stopped in a restaurant which is in the same row with the art centre.
brought 2 kaya pau and ate on the way wlking there.
no one realize i late...
in fact,there's another teacher/helper not reach yet.....
saturday..helped a while in ipoh jaya as the class start at 9am.
i was sent to pasir puteh again.
class start at 10am!
means will end at 10pm!!!!
argh~!need work 1 extra hour!
yer~!
after being 'gek sei' by some naughty kids in the morning classes....
get fed up...
i lost my tempered...
suddenly scolded a few kids..they get scolded innocently...
haha!
some go and scold "you so big already!you don't know how to choose colour yourself ar~!"
when i checked their P-forms...
Oops~
some of them only 7...
some...
i said"you learn so long already la,you still don't know want to use what colour ar?huh?!"
then again,
oops,
they are new!
argh~!
whatever...i don't feel like working anymore~!

sunday...
more relax...
things i not yet complete boss did not allow me to take home.
said i need rest...
so...got longer time to sleep...
woke up at 9am...
prepare and eat and stuff...
reach there 1st again...
i don't like being late.
but within 2 weeks..both saturday i also not the first 1 reach...
1st saturday aunt late,
2nd saturday i'm the one late.
feel very relax on sunday because only work from 11am-7pm.
but i cause a student's P-form lost~!
argh~!
useless t.vivien!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lame~~~~~~~~

haiz~boss didn't scold me..
only show angry face.
that day boss mood not bad gua...
whatever...
conclusion:i am sooooooooooooooooo USELESS!
this job not suitable for me...
now waiting to be fire!haha!
crazzzzzzzzzzy~~~~~`

my working hours...

MONDAY
holiday~!YAY~!

TUESDAY
10.30AM-1.30PM
-break(go home)-
8.00PM-10PM

WEDNESDAY
10.30AM-1.30PM
-break-
6.00PM-10.00PM

THURSDAY
10.30AM-1.30PM
-break-
6.00PM-10.00PM

FRIDAY
9.00AM-11.00AM
-break-
3.00PM-10.00PM

SATURDAY
9AM-9PM

SUNDAY
11AM-7PM

is my working hours long???
i'll get RM650 a month without EPF and stuff....
is it okay?

anyway today i'm a happy teacher!haha=D
today i enjoyed teaching=)
3 out of 4 of the kids i taught actually can understand quite well and know what they want/wish to draw...
not like most of the kids on saturday and sunday...
they are so blank!
waiting for teacher to think the colours for them~!
asked them what colour they want they say"i don't know."
imagine some 9 years old kids also say that!
OMG~!
fed up~

i wish i'll enjoy teaching and won't do lots of mistake there....
anyway, i still don't want to be a teacher!
hate teaching....
vivien~~~
tahan 3 months okay?

a meet-people-day...=)[don't read..kinda long and boring{crap a lot}]

today(6/1/2010)i went to take my undang exam.
i met 3 girls that used to go to school by bus(same bus with me).
at 1st i saw 2 girls wearing same T-shirt(school club or something looking and pointing at me.
when i want to walk nearer to them,the person in charge called me.
i steeped backward.
she ordered me to get into the grey car at the opposite road.
saw a short hair girl's back and a little bit of her spec...
she's like kinda sengaja avoiding me.
don't want me to see her face i guess....
i didn't look at her face since she didn't want me to see how she look like.
plus,i was 'busy' reading my undang because....
well...
i'm a lazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy pig...
i register before i finish reading the 500 questions...
haha~!=D
even the moment when i need to take exam i still not yet finish reading.

the two girls that pointed at me get into the car.
i saw them.
they are actually ex-AMC students that i know through my ex-scchool bus.
haha=D
not close but know who they are la.
gave them a smile and the one name fishy said"eh~i thought u can't remember/recognize me."
me:"oh~i didn't wear spec...can't see.hehe~"
fishy:"both of you take undang test?"
(both of them not taking undang)
i nodded wondering who is the one(the girl that wears spec) sitting beside me without looking at her~!
AH~!crazy~~want to know who of course need to look right?
i didn't look at her.

in the car that person in charge said"hong an nei,bla bla bla~!
me talking to myself without speaking it out...
WHAT~!HONG AN NEI?no...impossible...
same name only or maybe she called the wrong name...
i continue reading...

when i reached the place to take our test,an indian girl passed us numbers.
i choose 12 so that girl took 11.
when they called my number an asked me to write my name,
i looked at the previous name...
Hong An Nei...
loo at her IC...
100% confirm is her~!
her ic number only got 4 numbers different with my sis...
their birthday...
920511
940511
2 middle numbers different becuase H.An Nei not born in perak...
behind 4 numbers only 1 different~!

well...
i went back to my place.
sit there to wait till my turn to take test.
when an nei came back from toilet...i talked to her.
me:wei~!enough la you!why since i stepped into the car until now you also didn't talk to me?why you can't talk 1st jek?everytime also i talk first...cannot tahan la~!
[i pretended as if i know it's her from the beginning...haha=D she didn't realise i'm acting because after some training...i'm kinda good in acting}
haha~!perasan...
she:hehe...=)
me:why you cut short hair?so not like you.you didn't cut this short before right?why so sudden?
she:erm..want change new style ar.
me:you so sanggup?not like you woor....
and bla bla bla...
i kept on talking and annoy her because finish reading my 500 questions and don't feel like repeating...

took the test...
8 colour blind questions...
5 choosing the number plat.
this 2 section must get all corrent.if not your eyes 100% got problem...
another 1 is the 50 questions part.
around 15+minutes finished the test but this one cannot risk.
double checked them...found out that i got a few questions...around 5,answered blindly~!
the word SALAH i see as BETUL and the word BETUL i see as SALAH~!
OMG~!
luckily doble checked.
passing marks=42/50.
my heart beating VERY FAST~!actually not very fast...just a little bit...
i scared need to take the test again.
clicked confirm.
came out 1 sijil like tingy on the screen...
look and loook and looooooooooook...
but still can't find my marks~!
at last found!
bahagian A 14/15
bahagian B 22/25
bahagian C 10/10
jumlah 46/50
markah lulus 42/50
YAY~!i almost shouted out...
i passed~!no need to read anymore.
no need to waste money retake.
no need to be embarrass because passed without having to take 2nd paper like most of the people~!

went out of that exam room and keep on talking/annoy H.An Nei again...
haha~!
suddenly i said:wei~!monday i day off.let's go out watch movie/shopping loh~want?but you sure say cannot la because your mom over protective...
han:let me ask 1st...

now i'm waiting for her to reply...
this time...i got a feeling telling me the percentage of H.A.N. can go out is higher than usual...
wish me luck okay?

by the way,kole...
i wish too meet you too before you go UTAR but this is not possible because you won't be able to come out on monday and i won't be free on sunday...need to work from 11am-7pm non stop.
saturday worst...
9am-9pm...
tired~~~hope this month end fast so that i can get my salary fast and feel like this is actually worth...haha~!
mata duitan$.$

went jusco with Simone...

what we did?
walk,eat and chit-chat but fun.=)
when you hang out with someone you are close with...
you'll feel great,happy and very satisfy to have a friend that is willing to waste her precious time to come out...
maybe because everytime i asked someone out,i've been rejected.
that feeling is soooooooooooooooooooo damn hurt.
eventhough this happen lots of times,
i can't get use to it....

today what did we crap?
Simone told me about how the people here treat her and the way they greet her when they saw her and i told her a little bit of my life here....
the little thing that i did and make my life a little better(able to communicate better with some of my classmates).
i will continue this after i get my leaving cert and spm cert.
confess the BAD things i did in MGS so that i won't be in trouble =)

we also talk about the story that Simone,Jean and i planned to write together.
i contribute nothing...
haha~!:P
maybe i'll draw the cover.
i can't promise yet~~~!
sorry~!

SIMONE~!
THANKS FOR THE BIG KOALA AND THE SMALL KOALAs YOU GAVE ME AND MY SISTERS~!
SORRY~!




i didn't prepare a gift for you=(
i thought i want to make something for you but i...
don't have the time to prepare....
i usually need 1 month to prepare and design a gift...
sorry~~~~~~~

p.s.i'm kinda pity today.suppose to go home at 2.30pm.
called my aunt BUT she left her phone in the house~~~~~~~~!
ARGH~!
i called for more than 10 times i think...
used 2 hours to contat her~!
she came at 4.30pm....
i was shoocked that i didn't get MAD...
i just keep on hearing a voice telling me that this is nothing...
i am use to being left and forget in different situation...
the voice also said that this is what you get for wasting my time during holidays...
telling me my time will be waste back by other people or by myself without my willingness....

long p.s. haha~!i don't think people will understand what i am crapping here =)
can you understand???

work...

working as an art teacher...
i am suppose to teach 4-8 years old kids...
if other teacher not free only help till 9-12 years old kids..
yesterday start working from 2.30pm-10pm...
8-10pm teach 3 indian girls from MGS primary...
before that i was preparing things for saturday and sunday...

today worked from 9am-9pm...
AH~!tired because only got 2 teachers but lots of students.
i only in charge maximum 6 students because i can't handle...
i'm a failure...9as usual)
another teacher...the boss,she can handle 15++ students for every class~!

when she needed my help for those take attendence and giving back the kids their previous drawing/art work...
D.I.E!
out of 10 students...
i only able to call out 2 because.....
I CAN'T READ CHINESE~~~!!!
ARGH~!
why can't they write both language there?
in the end...
i asked those kids to come and find their own things...
asked them take it themselves...=(

i'm still confuse with those taking attendence forms...
got 3 forms...
i only able to fill 1 because another 2 is kinda confusing...:'(
actually only 1 confusing...
another 1 have dificulities because all chinese names and need to depends on the confusing form to mark...
shit la~~~
how to tahan 3 months???