recently...

actually recently i've got lots of feelings...
lots of things that i wish to post but i don't have the time...='(
haiz~~~~~

everyday before i sleep,lots of things swimming in my mind...
i kept on telling myself i wanted to post them when i wake up BUT
everytime i wake up,i forgot....
haiz~~~~~

maybe those aren't important stuff...
that's why i can't remember any of them.
but when i think again...
less than 10% of my blog posts are important!
haha~!=P

hmm~~~
what do i want to say?
a thing that keep on bothering me recently...
everytime i was on my way to pasir puteh's ulcc branch...
i'll see a bridge.
since 2 weeks ago,everytime i saw that bridge a beggar pop out...
the beggar only exist in my mind...
not under the bridge.
but i saw him inside my mind...
saw him begging for money although he still has his hands and legs...
he is someone that has blood relation with me...
whenever those image appear,
i...
i.........
i.............
feel
guilty....
as if i cause this happen.
but~
it's his fault right?
why should i blame myself???
i don't understand.
i can't understand what am i thinking.
i can't understand my own feelings.
i don't know why should i feel the blame.
i don't know why i keep on blaming myself for everything that goes wrong around me...
maybe i'm used to it...

shouldn't said too much details about the 'beggar' since i still don't know is the rumours 100% true and the beggar's identity...
i can't post here....
temporary only two/three people knows bout the beggar thingy...
if you wish to know his identity/about this tingy...
ask me in msn...more private....
although i know perhaps not more than 5 people come to my blog but still...i can't post here....
hope this beggar tingy won't disturb me.........

p.s.is it because of chinese new year=reunion that make me think about the beggar and his family and those reunion dinner thing that frighten me?
ah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever.....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW~~~~~!
can i choose to forget...
i want to delete some part of my memory.....
please hit my head so that i'll forget it...
thanks.