home sweet home :)

reached home yesterday around 8.20pm.
tired....
the whole bus not more than 20 passengers.
i can take 2 seats.
1 for my bag =D

on the way back,
i saw a banner written "Pameran Keranda XXX"(i can't remember the last word =() with a picture of half skeleton half ghost tingy and a 'keranda'...
i was like...

EW~~~~~~~~~~~!

why can't they have the 1 Simone mention?

titanic is much more cooler...

when i think again...

they did the right thing.

hungry ghost month got pameran keranda=spookier than usual...

but i won't go :P

hahaha :D

in the bus after i ate my dinner(2 slices of tuna bread and 1 peanut butter) i read a book i brought because cheap.

regret...kinda boring...

i saw a white man and a white lady reading in the bus too.

this make me go haiz~~~

malaysian...

if you want to see them holding books everywhere they go is harder than...

getting the chance to see me crying.

LOL~~~~~~~!

did you see me crying before?

no right?

haha...that's what i am trying to say :P

let's get to something more personal about me.

i tried to read in the bus but i start getting dizzy after 10 minutes or so.

in fact,i was already not feeling well when i'm in lrt on my way to bus station.

i suffer badly throughout the journey until i reached ipoh =(

not only headache,i even start having difficulty in breathing and

I FORGOT TO BUY ASAM to eat on the way back!

sour tingy help a lot to make me feel better yet i forgot!!!

worst still,my 6th sense told me i will headache,

i packed 风油 along but put in the wrong bag!

urgh~!

whole journey=headache+can't breathe+hungry(although i ate bread)

1st time ever i suffer this way and i can't find anything to make me feel better.

food...

i don't have

warm water...

i don't have

风油...

i also don't have!

1st time ever i feel sick without anything around me that can help me feel better!!!
i wanted to drink warm water soooooooooo much cause it is the best yet simple solution

BUT

I CAN'T EVEN GET SUCH SIMPLE THING AT THE MOMENT I NEED IT DESPERATELY~~~~~~~~~!

1st time ever i feel like i wanted to stop taking all the food that make me weaker.

no more ice-cream

no more cold drinks

no more milo

no more curry

no more laska

no more chilli sauce

no more deep fried food

='(

１ST　ｔｉｍｅ
in my life i feel like the food i like to eat not worth to make me suffer like this.
i even feel like crying but i didn't :)
because to me crying=weak
i don't want to be weaker.
i am weak enough.

........................

however....
after recover from the suffering moment around 3-4 hours,
i think giving up those food i love=SILLY!
human live for food la~ XD
hehe...

100th post?

it doesn't really matter because i always post more than 1 stuff in a post....
i've been wanting to post blog more than 5 times a week but that time i can't online...
mum forgot to pay the bill....
and now...
i can't really remember what i want to post. =.=lll



yesterday...
i got a phone call from my mum...
few days one call from her=normal.
just that yesterday she told me something else that make me feel sad and feel like i'm so timid and useless.....
i hate this kind of feeling yet i always experience it.
i hate the fact that unfortunate events always happen on me and people around me.
i hate the fact that people whom i care always fall in trouble.


yesterday my mum told me that my grandpa (father's side) suddenly headache while riding his motor.then,he kinda inbalance and fell down.grandpa now don't dare to go out...
always stay inside the house...
not only that...my grandpa also start..
well...you know...when human start aging they lost some sense...
'berak & kencing tanpa pengetahuan sendiri'...
(pardon me...due to my stupidity,i don't know what this sickness called)


now 'great'~!!
nobody in the house can take care of him and grandma.
usually my grandpa is the one goes out and buy vege,meat and daily stuff for the family because my youngest aunt(姑姑) work in singapore while my grandparents and my eldest aunt staying in johor.

youngest aunt only go back once a week because she's very busy.
she's very pity....
really...
in singapore after work she has to take care her husband.
her husband fell down while fixing air-cond last year.
due to that fall,
he has to sit on the wheelchair.
he can't walk.
half of his body can't move.
hemiplegia...is this the correct word?
whatever....

what about the eldest aunt?
the eldest aunt can't help much...
the main reason she can't help much not because she can't speak.
it's because her parents had pampered her due to her disability and always let her does anything she like.
she's 40++ but she can't even take care of herself.
she only know how to cook maggi mee and fried french fries.
now she can cook other stuff.
she just start cooking recently but i doubt the taste.
she also start cleaning up the house for the 1st time in her life at the age of 40+.
she start doing chores because my grandma can't walk or stand long even with the help of 'tongkat'.
i went there once.2 months ago.
the place don't seem clean especially the windows.
got lots of birds and lizards turd.
the time i was there,my mum help to do the cleaning.

now i...
i feel like going there to help.
the cleaning up and cooking.
the responsibilty to take care them make me feel like going there.
i'm the eldest grandchild.
i have to do something.
i MUST do something before it's too late.
i don't want to continue hating myself for doing nothing.

i want to have the ability to earn money soon.
not those small little amount from part time jobs.
i want to have the ability to earn a lot.
i want to help them.
my aunt and uncle are very good people.
they don't deserve to suffer this way.
i hate to believe what i see.
what i always see is that good people always suffer and bad people always enjoy their life.
I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY THE WORLD IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMN UNFAIR!
WHY kind people can't have good life?
why must they suffer like this?????

i got 3 weeks sem break next month start from 6th sept till 26th sept.
before my mum called me i actually planned to find jobs to fill up the holidays.
i don't want to go back to ipoh 1st.
but now i think i've to cancel this plan and replace it with going to johor 1 week?

2 weeks?

3 weeks?

urgh...
i don't know...
what can i do?
what should i do?
who can tell me?

i feel worst when my mum told me that my aunt,uncle and grandpa deposit some money to my account for me to use.
use as living cost while they are facing problems~~~~~~~!
they should've use the money to hire a nurse, a maid or someone that can help them!
not give it to me!!!!!!!!!!
i hate the feeling of taking money/using money that earn by others.
I'M NOT QUALIFY FOR THAT AND I CAN'T ACCEPT!!!!
I know start taking part time jobs now...
work and study at the same time perhaps will affect my studies ＢＵＴi don't want to continue stretching my hand out for money.
i'm quite good in saving money since i'm stingy.
i think i can earn my own living cost since i've 3 weeks sem break and next sem only got 3 subjects.
i think i can manage my time.
anyone here support me to do part time jobs?

p.s.the agreement i sign for scholarship don't allow me to work but who cares?
they won't know...

tertinggal post....oops...

last week...
19th July
we went to pusat sains negara...
weird right?
18 years old adult going to a place for primary students to visit....
when we were there i feel kinda paiseh leh...
quite uncomfortable...
classmates.....

in the bus.....

all crammed in a small area....=D

proposing...hahahahahaha~!

cute or not?when we were there,the 'frogman' was washing the aquarium...hahahahaha XD

okay...why we went to the pusat sains negara?

to study and find the principle of design from the building.....

=.=

actually i don't think we need to go there...

we can just study it by looking at the picture of the building...

never mind...

the trip was f.o.c...

haha...freeeeeeeeee of charge~!

we spent 5 hours there @.@

boring till X.X

had a little fun and get closer to our classmates...

because of this trip,we also feel like opening a group and opened 1 in fb..

hehe ^^

bon odori 2010 and other stuff...

since i'm kinda free today(or maybe i'm not that free but feel like blogging =X)i'm posting these to share with my far away friends about the life of mine =)
i wish you all will do the same too and i know you all will...
am i right?

2 weeks ago...
17th July 2010 after discussed and did our Pengajian Malaysia assignment,we went to Bon Odori in Shah Alam.
It is some kind of Japanese festival and got a little peformance and lots of Japanese food on sale.
from the place i stay,we took LRT to KL Sentral(around 10 stations!) then take KTM to Shah Alam(also around 10 stations!)
ktm....waited for 1/2 an hour for the train...
the best past about this ktm is that it got a zone/coaches for ladies only ^^



a fan given free for those who went to Bon Odori and the KTM　ticket.








ｓｈｕｔｔｌｅ　ｂｕｓ　ｓｅｒｖｉｃｅ．．．ｆｒｅｅ　ｏｆ　ｃｈａｒｇｅ．ＹＡＹ～！






ｃｒｅｄｉｔｓ　ｔｏ　ｈｕｉ　ｓｉｅｎ（ｔｈｅ　ｌｏｎｇ　ｈａｉｒ　ｇｉｒｌ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｓｐｅｃｓ　ｆｏｒ　ｃｏｍｂｉｎｉｎｇ　ｔｈｅｓｅ　ｐｈｏｔｏｓ）

ｓｅｅ　ｔｈｅ　ｃｒｏｗｄｓ　ｂｅｈｉｎｄ？ｇｏｔ　ｐｅｏｐｌｅ　ｗｅａｒｉｎｇ　ｊａｐａｎｅｓｅ　ｃｏｓｔｕｍｅｓ．．．．

the food we ate...i like the sotong but i dislike the one i ate...hate the smell...i finished it with a suffering expression...mine is the black black bento beside the one with tempura...

then...

last week...
busy with this model tingy,assignment 2 and some colouring excercise...

i forgot to take photos for the colouring excercise...can't show you all here.... =(

the model...
my lame idea...

back view...(the most satisfying view)

front view...the ugliest view =(

plane view...as ugly as the front view! =(

well...the actual model will be slighty different...
the size will be bigger and the colour,
base will be black and the music note will be white...
hmm...any suggestion?
do you think the other way will be better?black note white base...
please suggest if you do have better opinion =)

assignment 2...

2nd assignment after the sketch of urban area...
this=1 point perspective bedroom sketch

i am not very satisfy with this...
it seems incomplete yet i don't know where and don't know what to do to make it look better...
what you think i'll get?
full marks=15

the most satisfying part...

a corner of the sketch...
in the end,i found out i still prefer fine art the most...
the one i really like is putting my heart in while drawing,
putting all my effort there,concentrating in it.
buildings,animals,flowers also can as long as no human is there :P
but after the talk by the landscape architect,i feel wrong.
the way he draw,
the way someone study architecture should draw is simple+fast sketches.
well...those messy messy type yet very artistic n nice...
i can't do that... :(
hope i can do that soon...

sifu~~~!where can i find 1?

i am so stupid in almost everything... T.T
i wish there is someone that can help me whenever i need.
sifu~~~~~~~
where are you?

i HATE her...

i don't know why.
there is a strong feeling right inside me.
hatred.
i HATE her.
since the 1st time i saw her i dislike her.
since the day i know she always insult people around her,i know i didn't accuse her.
she is indeed a BAD person.
since the day she insulted my mother, i HATE her!
she did insulted me before but i can ignore that because i always insult myself :)

i thought i won't bear grudge.
i thought i can forget but i'm wrong.
i can't do it.
forgive and forget is something i can't do and i don't feel like learning to do so.
perhaps hating someone will make myself suffer but i can't help hating whoever that hurt me.
perhaps he or she will change one day but i won't forget the things they did on me.



last year,i saw her on facebook as new user.
saw her profile photo.
my 1st reaction:YUCKS~!
then,i forget about her.

recently,accidentally saw her 'menyampah' face again.
my curiousity made me clicked.
i viewed her profile.
surprisingly, the 1st thing i am concern of is her friends.
perhaps i should say my friends that i label as important friends to me.
i was there searching and looking hard.
wish they didn't request or accept her as siblings.
feel relieve when i didn't see any of them in her siblings list.
i don't know why i always wanted to know,am i more important than her in their heart.
is my status as their friend a little higher than her?
or am i below her?


a conffession to be make here.
dear st. johners or ex-st.johners friends of mine who treat her as friend,
i actually did a cruel thing on her and yet i didn't regret.
when i told my sis about this,she said she can't imagine it and she thought i won't do so.
she thought my evilness is just verbal evilness not action.
after she said that,i do think i did a little too over BUT after a few weeks,i don't feel bad anymore.
if i am given a chance to undo it,
i won't undo.

my dear st.johners and ex-st.johner friends,
did you all remember i scolded a friend of yours?
i hide some of the actual story from you all because i wasn't prepare to tell you all yet.
now i am prepared.
perhaps only 1 of you all will have the chance to read since the other....
seldom online?
forgotten my blog address?
well...
erm...
here it is.

i hate her.
she make me angry(reason:simply insult people).
i planned a revenge.

on the report card day,
i planned to scold her in front of her mother but that didn't happened.
i scolded her earlier.
during reccess time.
i shouted at her.

me :XXX~!你干嘛!!!!!!干嘛满街唱衰我?!!!
XXX :我没有～(in a pretend she's a 斯文person...using soft tone.YUCKS~!)
me :你有!!!!!!
XXX :我真的没有.(装楚楚可怜的表情)[恶心死了!]
me :有啊!我又没有得罪你你干嘛唱衰我!
XXX : 我几时唱衰过你?
Me : 你干嘛到处乱跟人讲我是私生女?你凭什么酱讲!你怎么会知道我是不是!
XXX : 我猜的啦．
Me : 这种东西哪有的猜的!!!!!你还到处讲是我画黑板!说是我用黑板来侮辱你!你那个眼睛看到啊!蛤!

(i think i scold some other stuff too but i can't really remember...)

Then, TSY pulled me away. Take me back to my class because she saw the discipline teacher and the H.E.M. I was in my class crying and that girl crying in the canteen. Others told me that the discipline teacher and the H.E.M. got find her. Have a talk with her or what I don’t know.
All I know is that no teacher come to find me. In our class, we argued once more. Then, she started to feel scared. She kept on saying sorry and begged me not to say a thing to her mother.

i guess...i won in that 'battle'. But i won in a dirty way.


The things she insulted me, i wrote back on the black board 2 days after she said so just to make her mad.
i worte twice.using my left hand.
she did get mad.
she knew the person who wrote that used left hand.
she showed those 'kua zheong' facial expression and shouted madly in the class like a mad dog.
i was there in the corner where i used to sit smiling evilly.

every classmate of mine that saw those things i wrote kinda shocked but none of them feel like rubbing it.
even some said let it be there.let her see.i want to know what's her reaction.
i am very sure the 1st person she suspect is me but i wasn't afraid.
she started telling those people around her i did that.
then some of my classmates said it back to me.
i pretended as if i am a victim.
pretended that i didn't do so.
most of my classmates stand at my side.most of them believed me.
then,when someone told me she even tell those not from my class i wrote that, i used the reason she 'fitnah' me and went to scold her.
i am very x999999999999999999999999999 bad and evil right?

thinking back about what i did to her,i did feel bad but after i type it out and read again i feel 5 times worst.
am i really that evil until me myself can't stand the evilness hidden beneath me?
or am i just can't get use to the evil me because i am used to hear people saying i am a good person?
i don't get it.
i always see myself as a bad,evil and cruel person but people that know me for some time always say i am a good person.
anyway,i promise myself i won't do such thing anymore because i feel really bad for weeks.
however,i still hate her.

p.s.do you feel scared or feel like running away from me after you read this post?

erm..simone and jean mae..ignore the chinese words...in fact you can ignore the whole post.i told both of you before about this incident.

exhausted~~~

tada~~~~~~!
the reason i am EXTREMELY EXHAUSTED today....

i've been drawing this since yesterday 2pm until today morning 5am~~~~!!!!
only stop a while to eat dinner and didn't even have time to take a bath!

this is the original version...for you all to compare...:)


i can't stand anymore when the clock strikes 5am.
i went to sleep,set alarm for 6.10am but i DIDN'T WAKE UP~!
OMG~!i was too tired until i can't even hear it ringing....
i woke up at 7am and got crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy~~~
hate myself sooooooooo much because oversleep...

however,i didn't continue drawing right after i woke up...
i can't stand the odour...
I WAS EXTREMELY SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLY~~~
YUCKS~!
i went to bath then i continue drawing until my roommates prepare to walk with me to the lrt station...
i brought sandwich and force myself eat quickly inside the lrt.
then walked quickly to the campus without considering to walk together with them.
sorry~~~~~~~~
then i continue drawing again...
still drawing even when the lecture entered...
well...
he let me draw...
i draw until 10.35am i think...
then quickly snap a photo for my 'hasil titik peluh'...

after that i can't really remember what i did...
i guess due to lack of sleep i can't do things properly...
i even suffer short term lost memory...
can't really remember what i did yet not sleepy...

however,after i reached my 'home'...
the 1st thing i do is sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep =D
i feel soooooooo energetic after the 2 hour sleep.
haha....
after sleeping,get naughty again.
online and don't do assignments...
uh oh~~~
mati liao le....
haiz~
don't care first la...
want enjoy =P
p.s.i've uploaded this photo in facebook...
please click 'like' if you think it's nice...
thanks =)