a sad day...
not because i'll miss my school.
is because i feel like a nobody more than ever!!!
ARGH!!!
nobody will understand how i feel..
nobody will know why i feel so........
nobody will ever care how i feel.......
___________________________________________
yesterday was raptai for hari anugerah.
i was sad because since primary until now,
i didn't hold any post before...
not even the tiny little post.......
haiz~~~~~~~~~
i don't know why i feel so...
perhaps it's because i...
i scared i don't know how to get scholarship...
i don't even know how to apply...
i don't qualify for scholarship because my cocuriculam is not good...
most of them don't need competition certificate...
they want to know what club we joined,
what position we held in those clubs/uniform unit/sports...
i've got nothing....
haiz~~~
1st time in my life i don't wish i go on the stage for winning drawing competition....
1st time....
hari anugerah...
those receiving 'award' need to sit at the back....
sitting at the back=ALONE as usual...
FORM 5 without 'award' will sit in front....
my friends who didn't get will sit there.
i don't have chance to sit there and chit chat with them and FEEL the graduate feel with them...
what about those receiving award?
duh~~~
they won't remember me...
they got their own excellent gang...
as usual....
after i came down from the stage...
i was HOPING that someone will come and talk to me...
well....
nobody did that untill someone very scared boring was alone...
yeoh wai mei come to the rescue!haha=D
we chit-chat and i gone crazy....
i showed them(we joined samantha chong a little bit later)my stupid and crazy face due to stress...
hehe~~~
i kept on looking to the gang around...
all of them syok sendiri,high sendiri...
i was like..-.-"' and like ah~why can't i be like them...
why can't i 'enter' into those ss mood?
whatever~~~
later when form 5s were asked to run up the stage to sing together...
i don't feel like going BUT
i wish to be a part of the whole thingy...
i went up with some of my friends and was hoping to meet more of my friends up there and sing/shout with them...
but...no chance...
all either too far away OR too many people around them...
haiz...
never mind...i told myself i'll try my very best to syok sendiri...
i shout/sing up there?
well...i'm not sure...haha=D
anyway,
after singing 3+ 1 songs...
i wished to hug all my friends but i didn't...
i won't take 1st step...
as usual...
i tried to hug some...
put hand around their shoulders and then used a 'funny' tone
"wei!we're going to left school le...
ah~very scared la...
we won't meet le..
let's hug<3 haha!:P"
then we went down again...
i saw some people cry...
don't know why they cry because i felt that they are much more lucky than me...
i'm pity!i didin't cry leh!
i took my stuff from the backsit(actually the floor but back part) and searched for my friends to see how much they enjoyed and how left out am i....
i actually want to go there without reason...
my mind was hoping for something from them...
yet...i don't know what....
when i saw them enjoying their time...
taking pictures with BIG group of humans....
i stepped backwards...i don't belong there....
i was,is and will not belong to that group....
we met by mistake....
we......
we................
well...i don't know...
just feel like i shouldn't meet them from the beginning.
" am just a nobody...
please go away!"
that's the thing i told myself....
i don't belong to any of those gang...
i belong to a group name ALONE and this group will only has 1 member...
nothing to be sad of because i did not lose a thing...
i don't own a thing...
thus,i won't lose anything...
we met by mistake and i shouldn't be in their memory.
now it's the end...
end...
left school without memory because i don't worth for it......
ya...i don't worth a thing....
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