unbalance......

i don't know how to balance.......
don't know how to balance everything...
i can't balance my feelings...
i can't balance my time...
i can't balance my behaviour...
and i feel like falling...
always unbalance and always fall down...
i always get hurt because i don't know how to balance.......
i hate the feeling of unbalance but i can't stop it because i don't know how...
the feeling of unbalance feel so insecure.
i can't find anything to hold on,
to support me,
to prevent me from falling.
thus,i need to fall down over and over again...

last week,i was out of control.
i can't control my feelings,
i can't control my mind,
i also can't control my tears.
my tears has been standing by to for anytime for over months,
i thought i can control them,
i thought i can prevent them from falling but i failed to do so.
last week before my mum went to china to travel,she told me she need to use our(my sisters and me)savings to buy airplane ticket to go to england and work.
we are lack of money,we...
we need to do something...
i need to do something.
i........
i don't know what to do.
the only thing that can change our life is future.
i need to do something so that i'll get a better future for my family and myself.
i need to do something...
i like interior design but it don't seem to have promising future...
my mum want me to take something to do with business or law but i don't really like it..
and i don't think i have the talent in that things.....
i wish i can see my future.i wish i can see what is suitable for me.
i want to know because i need to know.
i really want to change my life.

when my mum was not with me,i worried a lot.
i worried all kinds of things.e.g.my mum unhappy,H1N1,airplane accidents,tai fung and so on...
i got extremely stress and i ran to see the counselor about making choice for my future.
before i say more than 20 words,i broke down.i start crying in front of pn. najwa...
i hate that.
i hate crying...
i hate being weak...
i am not suppose to be weak but nothing around me that can make me strong.
what should i do???????????