happy! ^.^

sometimes human can be happy easily...
although i am always sad and emo...
but at least i get a few minutes happiness when i saw this...
it feels so good to be somebody in this world....
it feels so good when there is somebody who appreciate me as a friend...=)

perhaps to most of you...
this is nothing BUT to someone that was once being forget,being ignore and being treat as something invisible....
a little care means a lot to them...

i am happy~~~ to be one of 'the choosen one' in this photo...
haha=D
sandras...thanks for putting me here!
although we are not the very close type geh friends...
but...
THANKS FOR REMEMBERING ME~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry because i can't go to your birthday party...
have to work at saturday night....=(

friends...
please don't ignore me...
please don't forget me...
if one day we lose contact...please put me somewhere in your heart...
remember that you are once important to someone...
perhaps you are still playing an important role in this someone's life...=)

ignorance...

when you are used to being ignore...
does it hurt when people keep on ignoring you???

i am use to be ignore.
it still hurt when people keep on ignoring me...
why can't they feel how i feel???

MERRY CHRISTMAS~!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! to those who came here...although i know not many....
received this from a friend...
quite cute!

聖誕節 快 到 ★ ★ ★　 ★ 　 　
★　　　　　
★　 ★　MERRY X' mas 　　　　 ★　　 　
& °∴°﹒☆°． ‘ 　hАppy Year 　★　　　
　 　★　 　　　　‘ ★
聖誕快樂
健康快樂 願 未來都是一帆風順

╭┴┴─────┴┴╮
│　　　　　　　　　│＼｜／
│　●　　　　　●　│─☆─
│○　╰┬┬┬╯　○│／｜＼
│　　　╰─╯　　　／
╰─┬○────┬○╯
╭│聖誕快樂！│╮
╰┴─────┴╯
cute right?haha:D

3rd post of the day...

ARGH~!
something wrong with me...
keep on posting blog...
haiz~
now i am posting about something impossible...

i am waiting for a call...
a call from a friend but i don't think it will happen although she said she will.
haiz~
i won't blame her.
perhaps she's busy.
plus nobody will ever want to give a call to a person like me.
NOBODY wants to hang out with a failure like me...
nobody.....
haiz~~~

p.s.planning to change my blog address...don't want my mum to come to my blog anymore...
should i change?

臭霓霓!CONGRATULATIONS~~!

Vinny sis!
although i know you won't read my blog la but congrats for getting 7As and 1 B...
luckily your BM get B because if your Bm get A...
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU~~~!
joking....=D
i'm from Malay school but bm get B leh...=(
yours better than mine...
i sure torture you.
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!
crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy~~~
whatever la...
hope your result will 'help' you get the 'reward' you want...
haha~!

fate...

i hate the word fate...
everything seems to be going against me...
i'm fated to have dull and boring life...
fated to be a failure.
i tried very hard to change it.
tried very hard to make my life more interesting...
but...
i always fail.
i want to be like a normal teenager.
this year is my last year being a teenager.
i want it to be something that i can keep happy memories...but i don't have the chance.
i'm kinda jealous.
my sister always get the chance to go out with her friends...
shopping,watch movies,sing k,bbq and so on...
what about me?
my friends...
their family OVER PROTECTIVE...
everytime i asked them out,their parents won't let....
i always don't have the chance to go out with the people i wish to go out with.
i can't feel the things they feel.....
going out with BFF...
haiz~~~
WHY I DON'T GET THE CHANCE?!!!!!!!!!
this is so not fair~!
NOT FAIR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!
everytime organise things all also not free...
all parents don't give.
even the news bully me.
parents said got all those accident la,'rogol' la...dangerous woor~~~
excuse me!
17 already...
few more days will be 18 yet parents don't let.
but they let those 17 and below go out!
what does this mean???
yer~!!!!!
haiz~~~
fate...
that's all...
right?

never mind le...
not first time...

worry???

recently i am worry of lots of things...
i don't know why.
i feel worry all the time...
always in fearful mood...
i scared lots of things...
what i scare the most is...
my surrounding.............

everything seem changing and me?
still the same.....
people around me changing...
the environment changing...
i.....
haiz~

perhaps i should change too...
actually i should change long time ago.
last week lots of things happen...
i feel like i am soooooooo NOT like a girl...
it is not something new...
i know that...
every new year start i keep on telling myself "I want to change!"
but....
every year i fail...
i need a good reason to change...
i can't find 1..
i don't feel like changing without a reason...

what happened last week?
well...
as usual...
i am EXTREMELY DIRTY...
haha =D
while doing my oil painting...
i don't know why i get extremely dirty...
the oldest among all and yet...
the dirtiest...
this is something very common...
i always get dirty without knowing it myself...
when i looked at myself...
i was shocked and extremely embarrass...
my left sleeve full of oil painting...
purple and green colour...
the middle of my shirt full of colours...
even my hands...
both hands...from fingers to elbow also got colours!
when teacher saw me...
she said"wow~!your painting so clean but you are so dirty...other people all opposite...human clean painting dirty"
they(those involve in oil painting) looked at me.
all of them show the OMG!!!!!!!!! faces...
even my sis that is use to my dirtiness get shocked...
she said"wah~!你夸不夸张点啊？酱dirty!"
me:well...as usual ma...you know la...i am more dirty than a 3 years old kid...
i gave her a smile...
i pretended to look like i don't care when everybody is there...
i......
haiz....
我无药可救了。。。

besides that...
the way i wear...
well...always wear extremely big t-shirts and shorts walking here and there...
so.......messy...
always get scolded but used to it...
can't hear a word...
now i did feel something...
more and more people telling me this...
more and more people giving me a weird look when i go out in those...
messy clothes....
clothes look messy because too big but i like...
more comfortable...
mum said:"sleep only want comfortable"
haiz~
i started to observe people around me..
found out that i am the only girl that wear like this...
i'm weird.......

worst still...
the way i eat.......
horrible...
haha~!
more dirty than a 3 years old kids!!!
everytime i eat...
i never fail to make myself dirty...
my mouth always got sauce around it...
look stupid...
my sis always shake her head when she see my dirty face...
my mum always membebel why can't you eat properly...
i don't know and don't understand how to eat properly...
how to eat without getting myself dirty?
yesterday...ate curry...
whole mouth red...
all those soup sticking there like a clown's mouth i think...
i didn't look into a mirror...
don't have a mirror with me...

i also don't use all those make up stuff...
think that they are very leceh...
plus...i don't wear dress or skirts...
don't like...
i don't even wash my face with cleanser...
only clear water even though i know nowadays....even men and boys use cleanser...
am i too abnormal and should change as soon as possible???
ARGH~!
whatever...

p.s.i scare i'll lose all my friends...everyone seems changing physically and mentally...
i am the only one left...
still the same as usual...
haiz~~~

i know...but i don't want to change....

2 cousins came and will stay in my grandpa house for...
10 days?a month?1/2 year?
still don't know yet...
their parents and brother went to England...
travel 10 days and look for a job there.
their mum maybe will come back on the 10th day or maybe will not come back that soon...
depends to the situation there...

the 19 one we seldom see her because her working hours is long...
the 16 one we'll always see her inside the house.
well...
i know i am useless...
the 16 one inside this house make me feel like i am more useless than usual...
yet,
i refuse to change...

she is a good girl...
help my aunt to cook....
do the house chores and so on la...
me and my sis=lazzzzzzzzzzzzy pig...
we did nothing...
just online,tv,eat and sleep...
eventhough we see her doing things...
we did not really help...
my sis feel nothing...
i feel like...
well...kinda weird.
i know we are not the goodie type...
i feel guity YET i don't want to change...
i don't want to help...
i want to be lazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy...
seriously...
i don't know why...
lame~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
haiz~~~~~~~~

lame day...

today went to listen undang...
haiz~
lame...
that person in charge asked us to arrive at 7.30am but she's late!
2o minutes late i think.
after that she sent some of us to another place and asked some of us to wait again!!!
we waited until 8.45am.
a car reached and brought us to another place(gopeng) to test colour blind and listen lame stuff for 5 hours...
i slept...
eventhough i'm awake,i don't understand a thing...
haiz~~~
12.30pm break...
planned to eat but when i reached the canteen or so...
not much choice and beside a big drain...
smelly...............
don't feel like eating...
i starve myself...
crazy right?

now i'm scared..
scared cannot pass...

life...

they are enjoying...
me?
i am crying deep inside somewhere nobody can see...

BBQ...

yesterday BBQ...
nice?
don't know...
my sis got 3 friends absent...
frome there...she rugi RM 21...
then buy some extra stuff yesterday such as ice,'foh zhong' and so on...
she rugi RM 50...
feel like paying back her some BUT when i saw my wallet...
No...i am very poor now...
haha!selfish...

BEFORE BBQ
3pm reach my own house...bbq location...
the only thing i did was open can drinks and can sauce for spaggetti...
other things/food prepared by my sis and her friends...
oops..
no...actually most of her friends played not help...
4 girls that reached early prepared water balloon for 'fight'.
she get help from her'uncle wong',a friend of hers(the only 1 aged 17)to help her fry nugget and wedges...
her 4 other friends giggle when he reached...
reason 1:that guy got new hairstyle(i don't like that colour,weird/old)
reason 2:said that guy is my sis's husband,keep on teasing her

DURING BBQ
6.30pm nugget and wedges reached.
we still don't have ice yet...
that uncle wong drove to buy ice.
my sis friend,mok mok followed him.
when she came back she said "AH~!i return safely!"

7pm-7.15pm,
all my sis friends reached.
me?sitting there alone and serving my youngest sis wondering my friends don't know how to come OR don't want to come...(emoi-n-g)
at that time,i'm very sure when they reached i won't talk much.
around 7.30pm,shiao wenn and a boy(her friend/cousin/bf i don't know.didn't ask) reached.
she brought 4 1500ml soft drinks.
luckily she did so...
if not,sure all die of thrist...haha!

later suet kee,w.mei yan and her bf reached.
w.mei yan dye her hair.
chooi sun and her bf reached 10 minutes after they reached.
she also dye her hair.
that's all...
no other people.i can't invite my Malay friend because the food we prepared not halal...
haiz~~~
others from science class cannot come.
all with different reasons.
i knew it because that's my fate.
one of them,mother want to come along!OMG!!!
so...i think better she don't come because it'll be very weird...

my sis and her friends,around 15 people BBQ in front of the house,parking that part.
me and my gang BBQ opposite my house since there's an empty space there...
a mini garden but all plants died...
the grass are healthy ^.^
whole bbq kinda boring because i'm there.

i walked back to my house when i saw my sis and her gang playing water balloon.
i took 1 and stand in front of my sis.
i squeeze it and POOF!
she's wet!
i ran back to the opposite,nearer knocked down by a motor,continue to run...
my sis got me...
i'm wet and i screamed softly....
i slipped down...
some kind of steep at the so called mini garden area...
that's the only fun part i got...
erm...
making my sis wet gave me a better result i imagined.
i thought i'll only get wet...not enjoying a 'slide' and also excitement of nearly being knocked down...
haha!crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy....

another fun part is the gambling part...
actually only play cards..
all 'kedekut'...
didn't play money...
playing cards getting boring...
so we played 'snap' thingy...
that was fun...
overall...not much fun part...

AFTER BBQ
well...cleaning up=yucks....
but my sis did most of the cleaning...
so...i didn't suffer much...
haha!
the boys/her friends=disgusting except her uncle wong and also ccy/their form sunshine boy...
got 3 of the boys went to toilet together and came out pantless!!!
my friend screamed,she saw.
she said they only wear panti!
YUCKS!
i complaint to my sis.
she scolded her friends...
they said it's salah faham!
they demonstrated in front of us...
actually they pulled up their pants until looked like they wear nothing and then pulled down their t-shirts until looked like they didn't wear anything....(-_-"')
these 3 boys went back late BUT didn't help cleaning up!!!!!!!!!
i said loudly in front of them"wei~!your friends so not gentlemen!they only dirty up the place and don't clean up!ask them to help la!"
well...
useless...they pretended as if they can't hear...
haiz~~~
no wonder my sis didn't fall in love before...
being around with boys like this....
haha!

today went back for 2nd round clean up...
our neighbour told us that today morning around 4am,
4 cars mirrors broke by 2 Malay teenagers!
all 4 cars from my house that row!
now i understand why my mum want adults to be with us...
luckily we didn't stay there that night.
phew~

after spm=?

after spm what i feel...
nothing...
i got no feeling...
perhaps more stress...
scare my result will be very ....
haiz~~~~~
whatever......
yesterday planned to go home and clean up...
for BBQ ma...
but now mum found out no adults will be there...
how?
should i change the location?
BBQ in my grandpa's house?
no....
recently...
very naughty...always online...
grandpa won't agree and don't know why i don't like people to come to my grandpa's house...
hmm~~~
map...
not send yet...
should i just cancel bbq?
nobody want to come...
oops...
not nobody...
only a few...
i scare they will bored...
AH~!
whatever.......
____________________________________________________________
1ST THING I DID AFTER SPM
well...my sis online to watch a korean drama...
called 是美男阿You're Beautiful...
quite nice...
throughout the drama...got korean songs but still i've no interest in korean songs...
who act?
i don't know their names...
haha:D
i don't care...i watch drama not human...
only know one of the 3 guys in the group name A.N.JELL in F.T.Island member...
he's cute....
main male character looks like vampire...
scary....
i can't understand korean...watch this drama with chinese substitle...
although i can't read all the chinese words but i know what the drama talking about...

this drama is about a girl joined a group name A.N.JELL as a guy.
she pretend to be her brother(the girl and the brother are twins) to join the group because her brother unable to join the group due to some incident...
she need to be the group member for a month.

i recommand you all to watch...
this drama still new.

preparation for bbq...

a map i draw on EA paper 1...
finish paper 1 in half hour...
paper 2 very hard...
i do all 6 questions although only need to do 4...
haha!crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy!:)

this sunday going to organize a BBQ party by my sis and me!
actually i am not the organizer...
i'm only the participate..haha!
my sister and her 3 best friends planning and discussing in one of the girls' house now...
they will plan what to buy and so on because they wanted a BBQ party since May...
everytime my sis has party,her gang will be lots of people and me...
eating alone...force to be a part of them because that's my dinner!
so i decided to invite my friends to this bbq party!haha!:D
whoever interested let me know ok?
held on this sunday...
13 December 2009
in my house...
start 7pm...
need to pay RM7 because no adults sponser...
in fact...no adults will be involve in this bbq unless you bring your boyfriends...
although i don't like boys...
haiz~your wish la as long as you pay $$!
haha!

i wish to invite simone but she will only be back in Malaysia on 14th...
a day later...
haiz~~~
i still don't know who else i want to invite...
tell me if you are interested!ok?
thanks!:)

p.s.actually some people...i don't really like them but invited them by accident because i want her friend to come...
haiz~~~
i don't know why i don't like her...
maybe because i got some kind of weird feeling about her...
to me...
she's the kind of girl that will only asked for your help but need to think a long time to decide weather to help you or not...
and she's the kind that will not appreciate friends...
that's what i feel about her....
whatever...
i wish i'll have fun ^.^

art exam....

art.....
the only subject i have confidence in....
wish to get A+ for this subject BUT really scare i can't...
i scare i can't even get an A-....
this is the only subject i can't get lower than A-...
it will be VERY embarassing.....
teacher told me next year Hari Anugerah i will get best student in art...
IF my gred lower than other people what will happen?!
they will think teacher 'pilih kasih'!
ARGH~!
i scare i draw wrongly...
i scare objective wrong a lot...
i scare lots of things...
i don't know why...
i ...
haiz~~~~~
PAPER 1:
objective got 50 questions...
those answers i think correct got around 30 geh...
hope i'm right...
only answer based on my common sense...
didn't study for objective...

PAPER 2:
suppose to look like this.
complete this within 5 hours!!!!!
BUT exam time only 3 hours....
haiz~

today can't finish on time BUT
a little bit better than this 1...
the coconut trees got leaves...
also got mountain...
but the sky...
also like this one...no clouds
the orchids also look a little bit better...
i've chopped the coconut tree stump...
before enter the exam hall/classroom,
teacher read the questions to the other students...
he said "tunggul kelapa'=batang kelapa yang sudah patah...
so...i chopped it...haha!

paper 2 full marks is 50...
what do you think i'll get?
usually i get 48...
BUT those look better than this one...
haiz....
please comment and let me know i'll get around what marks...
thanks!

PAPER 3:
is folio...
during trial....
teacher wrote the folio mark on my objective paper...
get 97 marks...
so...this one...
i don't worry.:)

hope i can get A+...
what do you think?
only happen in my dream?
yea~right...
haiz~

~Tag: 32 Things You Don't Know About Me Until You Read This:

tagged by Kole
~Tag: 32 Things You Don't Know About Me Until You Read This:
1. What colour is your toothbrush?
♥`` purple
2. Name one person that made you smile today.
♥`` no one
3. What were you doing at 8 AM?
♥`` sidai baju...
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
♥`` watching tv
5. What was the last thing you had to drink?
♥`water
6. Who is the last person who sent a message to you on Facebook?
♥``alice
7. Ever go camping?
♥`` yup!
8. Do you go to church every Sunday?
♥`` no...5-6 years went on Saturday...
9. What did your last text message say?
♥`` don't know
10. Where is your dad?
♥``don't know and don't wish to know
11. Look to your left, what do you see?
♥`` a piano
12. What color is your watch?
♥`` Black
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
♥``online
14. How old are you?
♥`` 17+
15. Do you want to change your name?
♥`` for what?i love my name...
16. How many kids do you want to have?
♥`` don't know...perhaps zero because i'm not going to marry?
17. Would you kiss any of your Facebook friends?
♥``no
18. Who are the best huggers that you know?
♥``don't know
19. List three favorite colors/shades.
♥`` purple!
♥`` black
♥`` white
20. Have you ever fallen in love?
♥`` yes.....
21. How did you get your worst scar?
♥`` don't know...got lots of scars...don't know which 1 worst..haha=D
22. Do you like cats?
♥``HATE THEM.
23. Do you love anyone?
♥`` family and friends
24. What do you hope to get on your birthday?
♥``something DIY
25. Do you plan any trip for your next coming?
♥`` wish to go Johor to visit my grandparents
26. What do you usually do during the day?
♥`` eat,online,tv,scolding my sis...haha!i'm bad!
27. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
♥`` maybe...not sure
28. Is anyone jealous of you?
♥`` no because i own nothing
29. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
♥`` don't have
30. Last song listened to?
♥`` can't remember...
31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
♥`` my mother
32. What is your favorite number?
♥`` don't have
Tag 5 people to do the same thing:
simone,jean mae and whoever that wish to be tag...
haha:D

went siti's house to celebrate haji and her birthday...

today went to siti's house to celebrate her birthday...
haiz~spm didn't study...
went to people's house to play pulak!
USELESS VIVIEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
slap*

this is a gift i make for her as her birthday present...
made yesterday...
cute leh~!haha!perasan....

she like lee min ho...this cute bear is holding a banner with her photo and lee min ho's photo!!!
haha!
she was surprised!
and i am happy!
i like to make surprise but i receive none...
never mind...
giving is happier than receiving....
especially being apprieciate...
therefore...if i give you anything...
ACT as if you apprieciate it...ok?
you can throw it away...
just please don't let me know...
thanks!

gifts,apprieciate....
around 7 months ago...i took my friends phone...
i read the messages and also see the photos....
i saw her birthday present(that i make) in her phone!
i was VERY　ＨＡＰＰＹ！
HAHA!
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you know who you are right?
thank you very much!

cousins....make up case...

last week,a friend of mine post her cousins picture at her blog.
this week my turn pulak!(-_-"')
not because i'm copy cat!
because yesterday my sis told my eldest cousin(19 years old)i wore like a girl they saw in the restaurant they are now working at...
the girl...
like me...
wear over BIG t-shirt and shorts like MGS pj shorts...
walk here walk there....
(i only wear proper clothes when i go shopping^.^)
my eldest cousin was SHOCKED!
she said to my sis"HUH?!cannot like this one la!she's 17 already!you must start the 1st step...when you start make up...your sis will follow...i startmake up because my youngest sis started it.you should influence her."

AH~!NO!i won't change.i don't like make up stuff..i don't like skirts,dress,high heels ,handbags and other girly stuff!
not now....

i still remember the time when my mum came back from USA...
1st thing she said to me is "er~why you look different already?"
"not that preety jor"
in my heart i'm saying well...you mean ugly is it...haiz~i knew it...

my mum expression become like 'uh?what happened to my daughters?'when she saw my cousins....
she's like wah~!all become pretty already but mine???
what happen to them?

when my mum still in malaysia...she kept on telling me and my sis to make up...
to be like them...
want us to look pretty...
said make up=礼貌polite...
yucks!
when i saw my cousins...yea...i'll said they are pretty...
all very pro in make up stuff,all very 斯文(don't know english call what)...
all sure got lots of admirers...
because even my sis that don't make up and so harsh and so call 'man' due to her height also got 2 people like her...

the weird thing is that i think they are pretty but i didn't ever dream before to be like them....to be so not like me...
i only dream to be a boy..haha:D
i don't want to be a girl if got a choice....
BUT i'm a girl...
so what?this does not mean i need to be like them right?
i can be the boylish type:P

anyway,these are my pretty cousins....

。this is kah boo...pretty,cute and clever..also famous....the guys not from her school also know about her....a lot people 'chase' her...

。this is carine...look like doll right?a lot people 'chase' too...

。some say she looks like blackie teenage that ya tou...

。this is camon...although a little bit plump but always full of confidence and pro in make up...very good in communicating...even those not so famous malaysia singers such as danell lee and danny wan is her friend!

the one on the right...is kah yee....eldest cousin....

my sis and me are sooooooooooooooooo not the same world with them....
soon i'm the only one not from the same world because my sis is now working...
working=make up....
still...
even i'm the alien....
I STILL DON'T WANT TO CHANGE!!!
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
crazzzzzzy adi....

abnormal...

body temperature 34 Degree Celcius....
not important...

abnormal because everyone very happy after sejarah paper...
me...terbalik...
haiz~~~~~~~~
shit la!
i thought i know how to do...
i thought i can answer....
i thought i can get better this time but it will only happen in my imagenary world....
haiz~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

got some of the questions...
i know the answers but people want A i wrote B...
even understanding the questions=a problem to me....
die le...
if this continue...
all other subjects no need to see...
i am going to repeat the same mistake....
NO!
i can't!
but i am not willing to study....
i feel like want to ruin my life....
here,SPM=important and i don't take it seriously?
no.
i want to be serious!
but thinks don't seem right...
haiz....

i'm sick...physically and mentally...

i'm sick...
having flu,cough,difficulity in breathing and so on...
will i be place in the physic lab/bilik kuarantin to take SPM?
whatever...
that's not important...
my youngest sister is driving me crazy!
it's her problem or my problem?!
ARGH!!!!!!
i don't know what to do...
SPM is coming and she's making me UNABLE to concerntrate!
i don't understand why everything happen on me...
every bad things....
why other people can study for SPM PEACEFULLY?
why they don't need to do chores?
why they have no BIG family problem?
why they don't have irritating sister?
why they don't have a sister that LOVE to C.R.Y.?!
and why they don't have a stupid sister?
she's the craziest person i ever met...
and I HATE THAT!!!!
i order her to eat(in a not so rude way)
she said:i don't want to eat!
me:faster la.be a good girl.faster eat.a lot people want to eat also no chance.
she:yer...you are so bad!want people to eat!
me:(-_-"')(i didn't ask her to eat shit.eat rice only ma...where got bad?!)
then,i got mad!
me:"(shouting)FASTER EAT LA!!!!YOU WANT TO STARVE TO DEATH AR!"
she:(cry loudly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
me:faster eat la!if not i'll beat you!!!!!!!!later grastic how?!I DON'T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she cried louder.
i ignored her.

after i ate my dinner,i order her to bathe(also in a not so rude way to confirm it's her attitude problem or mine!).
guess what?
she started to shout at me!
she:i don't want to bathe!!!!!!!!!!!!
me:faster go and bathe la...i want to wash clothes...i am waiting for your stinky clothes.
she:i say i don't want to bathe!!!!!!!!!(start crying)
me:you want me to beat you is it?!i give you chance but you don't apprieciate at all!!!!
i took a 'rotan' to scare her.
useless...
she didn't go to the bathroom immediately.
instead she kept on crying and jumping,knocking the floor hardly.
she's very 'ye man' la!!!!!!!!
argh!
i took off her uniform....
didn't care how loud she cry...
i don't care.
i tell her I DON'T CARE YOU WANT TO BATHE OR NOT!
I ONLY WANT TO COMPLETE MY CHORES NOW!
i left her sitting on the floor naked...
crying non stop...
again...I DON'T CARE!

now i found out...
this is the best method to make her SHUT UP but is that what i want?
i want her to change.
i want her to eat without being order a thousand time to make her stomach full.
i want her to go to bathe without being chase by a crazy sister(me)
i want her to do her homework without me ordering her to do so continuously.
i want her to study,to get good results!
not being the 169 /298 students.
not getting Ds and Es for standard 1 standard.
i want her to feel ashame of herself although i know she won't.
she's proud of her stupidity...
i don't understand why she's pround of her stupidity...
haiz.....

i am like the gas and she's the fire...
i will explode anytime whenever she get near me...
i am highly flammable...
why am i always angry whenever i see her face...
do i REALLY LOVE(yucks!) HER?
or do i HATE her VERY MUCH?
or i think it is my RESPONSIBILITY to make her better?
do i think that i should be blame because i didn't teach her and cause her stupid?
or she's really stupid...
no matter how hard you try,she's still stupid...
i know i'm harsh to say such things but i don't know what to do...
can anyone teach me???
haiz~~~~~~~~~~`

yesterday while listening to those speech by the dear principal and the japanese girl...
in my mind only got one word...
fake...

the japanese girl said she'll miss our school,
she like the school,
she got lots of friends and so on but i believe non of it because i believe what i see.
everytime i saw the japanese girl,
she's alone.
reccess time,alone.
waiting for transport to go home,alone.

sometimes,i feel like she's more lonely then my form 2(my lonely-est moment)year.
yet,she said she got lots of friends.

does every transfer student that is not happy must lie to make others feel good?
why can't they just tell the truth?
telling the truth=against the rules???

based on my observation,she's the MOST lonely transfer student.
every year tranfer student are like flower surrounded by bees and butterflies...
this one,always alone...
always look sad...
she's kinda pity.

perhaps my observation can't prove she's lonely.
perhaps she got lots of friends but only everytime i saw her she's alone.
whatever...
_______________________________________
2nd post...
erm...
yesterday went to art centre(so call tuition but i never take it as tuition.don't even know this art class i attended for years=tuition until people asked me"you got take art tuition ar?")
the teachers there told me a GOOD news...
i got 2nd for an international drawing competition organised by Bangladesh!!!!!
i'm so happy!!!!!!!!
Malaysia only got 7 people get.
3 from my art centre and i am one of them!!!
i'm so lucky!!!
happy!!!

this help me build a little confidence...
telling me that there is still hope for me to apply scholarship because this is an INTERNATIONAL COMPETITION!!!
1st time in my life i got this!!!!
i hope this is not the last time...
haha=D

this is the drawing...
i spent more than 24 hours to complete it...


p.s.i know it's not very special/nice...
but it can represent i'm Malaysia participate because this is the Bangunan Sultan something in Malaysia...
forgot the name...
oops...
a bad malaysian..haha=P

hari anugerah/form 5 farewell.....

a sad day...
not because i'll miss my school.
is because i feel like a nobody more than ever!!!
ARGH!!!
nobody will understand how i feel..
nobody will know why i feel so........
nobody will ever care how i feel.......
___________________________________________
yesterday was raptai for hari anugerah.
i was sad because since primary until now,
i didn't hold any post before...
not even the tiny little post.......
haiz~~~~~~~~~
i don't know why i feel so...
perhaps it's because i...
i scared i don't know how to get scholarship...
i don't even know how to apply...
i don't qualify for scholarship because my cocuriculam is not good...
most of them don't need competition certificate...
they want to know what club we joined,
what position we held in those clubs/uniform unit/sports...
i've got nothing....
haiz~~~
1st time in my life i don't wish i go on the stage for winning drawing competition....
1st time....

hari anugerah...
those receiving 'award' need to sit at the back....
sitting at the back=ALONE as usual...
FORM 5 without 'award' will sit in front....
my friends who didn't get will sit there.
i don't have chance to sit there and chit chat with them and FEEL the graduate feel with them...
what about those receiving award?
duh~~~
they won't remember me...
they got their own excellent gang...
as usual....

after i came down from the stage...
i was HOPING that someone will come and talk to me...
well....
nobody did that untill someone very scared boring was alone...
yeoh wai mei come to the rescue!haha=D
we chit-chat and i gone crazy....
i showed them(we joined samantha chong a little bit later)my stupid and crazy face due to stress...
hehe~~~
i kept on looking to the gang around...
all of them syok sendiri,high sendiri...
i was like..-.-"' and like ah~why can't i be like them...
why can't i 'enter' into those ss mood?
whatever~~~

later when form 5s were asked to run up the stage to sing together...
i don't feel like going BUT
i wish to be a part of the whole thingy...
i went up with some of my friends and was hoping to meet more of my friends up there and sing/shout with them...
but...no chance...
all either too far away OR too many people around them...
haiz...
never mind...i told myself i'll try my very best to syok sendiri...
i shout/sing up there?
well...i'm not sure...haha=D
anyway,
after singing 3+ 1 songs...
i wished to hug all my friends but i didn't...
i won't take 1st step...
as usual...
i tried to hug some...
put hand around their shoulders and then used a 'funny' tone
"wei!we're going to left school le...
ah~very scared la...
we won't meet le..
let's hug<3 haha!:P"
then we went down again...
i saw some people cry...
don't know why they cry because i felt that they are much more lucky than me...
i'm pity!i didin't cry leh!

i took my stuff from the backsit(actually the floor but back part) and searched for my friends to see how much they enjoyed and how left out am i....
i actually want to go there without reason...
my mind was hoping for something from them...
yet...i don't know what....
when i saw them enjoying their time...
taking pictures with BIG group of humans....
i stepped backwards...i don't belong there....
i was,is and will not belong to that group....
we met by mistake....
we......
we................
well...i don't know...
just feel like i shouldn't meet them from the beginning.
" am just a nobody...
please go away!"
that's the thing i told myself....

i don't belong to any of those gang...
i belong to a group name ALONE and this group will only has 1 member...
nothing to be sad of because i did not lose a thing...
i don't own a thing...
thus,i won't lose anything...
we met by mistake and i shouldn't be in their memory.
now it's the end...
end...
left school without memory because i don't worth for it......
ya...i don't worth a thing....

report card.....haiz~

today i get back my report card...
average percentage increase a few marks only...
other people ALL improve a lot...
i'm failure....
haiz~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
art class only 1 girl get straight As...
her GPK 1.++...
she got 1st...
whole form.....
i'm kind of curious what marks they get...
i want to know i lose by how many marks....
mid year whole form i got 2nd...
this time...
i got 5th...
haiz~~~~~~~~~
i knew it...
i didn't study much....
i.................
speechless..................................................
my GPK is 2.70...
next step/aim...
SPM need 2 get better than forcast result...
i don't think i can do it...
the forcast result....
teachers all give As except sejarah.......
forcast result too good...
i am not that good...
i can't do it....
haiz~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
where can i get the confidence,the energy and the determination to do better than the forcast result?if you know how and where to get it...tell me ok?
give me some support so that i can know is support able to give me energy...
thanks...
haiz~~~~~~~~~~~~~

thief or ghost???

just now my youngest sis went upstair...
she tried to open the room door BUT the door is locked!
she asked me to open for her...
i told her it's not lock,open again...

my aunt tried to open for her BUT she also can't open...
i was shocked.i didn't lock the room...
the room doesn't has keys so it was locked from INSIDE!!!!!!!
ah~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
who's in there?
younger sis said "perhaps it's like last time...
you know~theif....
stupid thief...went in to the poorest room...
we got no money in there....lame...
plus,the room got no door for the thief to run away and all the windows are locked."
(some cage like thingy...)
me:............
thief...what???!
i went upstair and tried to open the door...
BANG IT!!!but still can't opened..
i see through the key hole...
i saw nobody....
my aunt scared...she gone out and came back with lots of villagers!!!
together they kicked,bang and do lots of things to make that door open...
around 10-15 minutes the door opened...
proven it's locked from inside BUT who locked it?!
nobody was in the room!!!
all of them shocked because it is not possible for the door to locked inside itself.
the wind can't do that...wind can only close the door not lock...
inside got two locker...
one of them is the hard to lock type..
need to push very hard to lock it...
how the wind does that??
if there was thief inside...where was the thief?
how the thief managed to get out???
weird......
ghost???????
not possible...
the sun is so bright and the ghost did such lame thing?
crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzy~~~
any idea who lock the door?
let's solve this mystery together...

the truth of the world....

a friend of mine found out about the strong selfishness of human being...
at last she found out...
she thinks the world is cruel...
humans...
most of them only care for themselves and the people that are important to themselves...
well...
i told her it's normal...
humans born with sin...
born to be selfish...
when you start to see the world,
you'll decide what kind of person you want to be...
just ignore those being selfish...
i'm selfish too!
haha!
as long as don't be extremely selfish...ok?
she just=(

during a party,
she saw some people only care for their own gang...
the time they need to arrange chairs for the party,
she saw some people only form a circle for her own gang and stop arranging...
wait for others to arrange themselves although they are suppose to arrange for everyone...
then,she saw those who not so likeable one being left out...
she just asked the not so likeable one to sit with her and her gang eventhough her gang don't like the not so likeable girl...
others...just ignore pretend as if they can't see her.
she said something else...
planning to said something else about the selfishness she saw in that party but due to some circumstance...she didn't have the chance to tell me.
i wish to know more...
anyway,she conclude her feelings by saying "i wish this party don't exist."

p.s.i feel kind of weird because most of the people enjoyed the party.
perhaps she's like my past...when everyone so in the party mood,she sat alone observing others...
saw the weakness of human being and thinks the world is scary...full of bad guys...
i told her 1 thing...
you know why last time i always disturb you and try to be your friend?
because i see you as a good person...
no matter how bad you try to be,you sure failed!
haha!:P

i failed...

everyone!punch me!!!
i failed to not online...
haiz......
yesterday or the day before...i can't remember...
i read someone's blog...
talking about birthday party/birthday celebration again...
i'm kind of jealous...
weird...
i seldom jealous...
i wish i'll also get the chance to have some kind of birthday celebration but...
but i'm not sure do i really want to have one...
family?
usually buy a cake/use the cake for father's day as my birthday cake.
eat cake...
that's all.
friends?
they won't have the time to celebrate with me...
i'm a nobody...
a nobody....
even IF i get the birthday celebration,
i don't think it will be fun...
those friends i'm close with not close with each other....
everything will be weird...
better don't have...
i'll imagine my dream birthday party...
perhaps it will be better.
dream~~~
i'm dreaming~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

22 October 2009

after english literature class...
i waited for my aunt to come to fetch me.
i told her to come at 2.45pm although i know the class usually ends before that.
i just don't want her to wait and...
i think i purposely want her to come later so that i got the chance to chit-chat with my friends
i thought i will talk to them while waiting for car.
yesterday e.l. class ends at 2.30pm.
suprisingly,yesterday everyone went home early!!!
straight away get into the car once they came out.
i've got no chance to talk to them

well,even if they are here for me...i can't guarantee i'll talk to them.
i am kind of like last time.
start walking away whenever i see humans...
only some of them i don't run away from.
i scared i'll hide from everyone soon.
scared i'll go to the library to hide during reccess...
really scared i'll be like that again.
i tried my very best to talk to them but i don't know why i won't approch my closer friends if they are with a gang of their close friends(those not so close with me).
i feel like i don't belong there and this cause my run away feeling more serious.
i'm getting more and more not close with all of my friends.
some because i've stopped to go to school by bus.
reach school late...don't have much time to chit-chat with friends.
some...bus mates...my cucu...
i guess they'll forget me soon

back to yesterday's case...
everyone left early.
i was there alone waiting for my aunt.
later,mei foong appear.
we said hi.
that's all.now,don't really have much conversation with her because we don't reccess together anymore.
even if i go and reccess together with them,i won't get the chance to talk.
i don't have the chance.i'm like an outsider.
i don't like that.i rather to be alone.
when people asked me why i don't reccess with them anymore,i lied.
i said i don't want to see the face of the person i hate whom reccess together with them.
that's just an excuse i tell others and an excuse that i tell myself.
i don't want to face the truth that i no longer got chit-chat topic with them.
i just left quietly...to be alone again because being alone is my fate.

mei foong and me got a little conversation.
i think the conversation only start when yjm came.
at 1st,i tried to pretend i can't see her.
she said 'hi' to mei foong.
then said'hey!' to me.
i said 'helo'.
i feel weird.she said 'hey!' in a 'polite' way.
not like the usual harsh tone.
well,not 1st time.everytime we met our voice change.
she become more 'si men' than usual(funny)
and me...become like no voice come out...
don't know why.maybe because once 'fan min'.
now feel weird.
the moral of the story is...
don't ever fan min with any of your friends because even the wound is recover,there will still be a scar there.
haiz.......

yjm:(to mei foong)what time you go home?
mei foong:how would i know?my mum come then i go home la...
yjm asked that more than 3 times...
then,mei foong talked about basketball.said she's interested in learning how to play basketball.
said her brother teach her,play with her brother.
yjm:you need to be very tall to play basketball.
me:(in my brain...i didn't say out'where got!last time my sis played basketball.that time she was short.and suet kee is not tall although taller than me...she represented perak for basketball competition.)
mei foong:no need very tall.my brother only a head taller than me...
me:(huh?like that also not very tall?means i'm very short la...)
mei foong:(to yjm)how tall are you?
yjm:165cm.
me:(huh?don't lie la...where got ar?)
mei foong:got that tall mou ar?
yjm:am i that short?
me:(yes!haha...)
mei foong:.........................(to me)you leh?how tall?
me:huh?well...i don't know...only know i'm shorter than my sis and she'll always tease me when she's free...i think my height is 160cm or below gua...you leh?
mei foong:...........................bye!my car is here.
me:bye
yjm:bye!want me to bang the door for you!
mei foong:no need la!
yjm:what time you go home?
me:i don't know.
mei foong:you ask this question again?!haiyo...
me:=]

i was left alone with yjm.
we got no conversation at all.
i tried to talk but what should i talk about?
in my empty head...:
go and tell her wei!very boring ar...let's chit-chat.i don't want got penyakit kemurungan...
argh...this sounds stupid....
another thing pop into my empty head.wei!yesterday i visited the school blog.
that grad night post got your photo.
the one took at the entrance with tan ping qing and tan jing wen.
argh!this one more lame than the previous one.
of course she already know.sure got people tell her la...
aiya...i just keep quiet better...
wait for her to talk 1st la...although i don't think it will happen...
my aunt...very late!
she came at 3++pm!
i've stand there stupidly waiting with someone in front of me but didn't talk...
lame!argh!!!!!!!
whatever....
she went home before me...
she said bye 1st....
the stupidest thing i did yesterday...
standing stupidly and talk nothing...anyway,she did the same.
just that i looked more stupid.that's all.
yesterday,1 thing for sure.she don't hate me and i don't hate her.
another thing...i don't know why she will only talk to me i front of kole and mei foong.
and.i did the same without reason..haha!

my youngest sis's results......

even worst than my trial results...
how is it possible for a 7 years old girl to get such results?
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
moral 86
bm pemahaman 60
maths(english)55
english 46
bm penulisan 37!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i don't know after i get all her papers...what will happen....
perhaps i'll die bcz of heart attack....
haiz...................
headache again............

headache.......

this few days don't know why headache...
feel like i'm thinking a lot of things that cause me headache....
but when i think again.....
i think my head is empty...
i'm thinking nothing...yet my head ache.
perhaps i drink too much coffee......

i always shout like mad dog anytime i like...
i know i'm crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy...
yet i always do that.....
my youngest sis...seriously...
i don't know what can i do to help her.
i am the eldest.
i must do something to help her.
yet..i don't know how...
i always lose my patient....
i can't control my anger...
i don't know why everytime i see her face..
i feel like scolding her...
i'm a lame sis...

this 7 years old sis get 37 marks for her bm penulisan!!!!!!!
argh!!!!!!!
how can this happen IF she listen to what teacher say in school?
i bet she's always chit-chatting while teacher is teaching.....
i know it's my fault for not teaching her before she face her exams...
yet i think she need to be responsible for her result....
she.....
she does not think studying is important....
in my opinion,
no matter how hard i tell her to study,
she won't take it seriously...
she need to realise this herself...
i can't do much...
i mean...
well...
i got a friend that's not good in her studies during primary...
she was in the last class....
her parents force her to study but she rebelled...
she starts trying hard when she found out that she's the weakest in her study among all her friends....
she doesn't want to be the last among them...
she wake up and start studying....
she's no longer in the last class...
now she's in the third class...

should i wait for my sis to wake up herself?
i'm afraid it's too late...
well.....
i shouldn't give up now right?
i think i've done nothing....
i should do something to her before i give up...
i wish she has friends thats good in studies because that help a lot....
last time...when i was in my primary school...
my friends are the love study type...
i don't really love studying but at that time i like competition....
i like to win......
we always compete to see who's results better...
that help a lot....
this type of challenge will make someone improve...
even our normal homework like essays we'll compete and see who will get higher marks...
we also exchange exercise books to read each other's essays....
this help all of us improve....
now although we are not close anymore...
sometimes...we're like strangers but still i apprieciate those time...
i wish my sis will meet this kind of friends because friends play a BIG role in a person's life....
we'll easily influence by our friends....

anyway,
i've decided to give her lectures before sleep everynight as bedtime story..
haha!
hope she'll understand....

p.s.just now i fell down!
my left hand(a few fingers) and my left leg hurts!!!!!!!!
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dishonest,honest and dishonest again....

another post again...
what happen to me???????????
ARGH!!!
what's happening?
is it everything going against me or i am going against them????????
i think i am changing again...
i am so not like me...
i barely know myself...
i'm going to be better or going worst?
i think i'm going worst...

the story start from the 1st lie...
seriously,
i HATE being dishonest but i don't know why i can't open my mouth whenever i try to tell the truth...
1st lie...
i....
i........
i.....................

well,2 or 3 weeks ago...
i got back my english paper.
i didn't check the marks because that time i was having exam and someone else already check for me...
i assume that there's nothing wrong with the marks...
2 or 3 weeks later...
i found out that teacher gave me extra 10 marks for paper 2!!!
i was shocked...she put 19/10 for the transfer information part...
i got 69/75 instead of 59/75...
total of my english marks suppose to be 81 but teacher gave 87...
i don't know how to tell teacher because we have discussed the paper a few times and everytime i forgot to bring the paper...
everytime teacher discuss,i didn't check...
when i searched for the paper to put in 'file gemilang' i saw the 19/10...
if i tell teacher to minus my marks,
teacher will know i didn't bring my paper a few times...
i don't want her to know that...
i calculate my marks for the average percentage..
actually this extra 6 marks only make 1.0 difference...
and the grades also won't make any difference...
so...i decided not to tell...
today,
i calculate my EA paper...
again...teacher counted wrongly....
why counted wrongly?
well,i suppose to do 4 out of 6 essays but i did 5...
she counted everything...
after i counted again,i struggled for 20 minutes...
thinking to tell or not to tell...
this time the grade is affected...
teacher gave 72(3B)...
i suppose to get 65(4B) only...
haiz........
i knew it...
i didn't study much!it's impossible to get 70++!!!
at last,i told teacher about the mistake...
i tell because i've lie once...i don't want to lie again...
cheating for marks will make me feel uncomfortable for a long time...
i hate cheating......
when i went to change my marks..the other students asked me
"you still don't satisfy with your marks?"
"you want to add marks ar?"
well...i told them i want to minus marks...
yup!minus!
some said i'm CRAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZY...
some said i'm honest....
i feel weird...
1st lie...i refuse to tell...
it makes me feel unhappy...feel like i've did a big crime...
2nd time,
i tell the truth...
yet,i'm unhappy....i don't know why....
i just feel down.....
later,i keep quiet again....
i didn't talk much today.

during perdagangan period,pn.eliazabeth tan came to my class.
she told me that my english marks is qualify for the principal's award essay writing competition...
i suddenly remember that pn. mahindar told me i get 85 above...
qualify for the essay competition...she asked me i wanted to take part or not...
i nodded....
she want me to find pn.elizabeth to tell her i want to take part.
i didn't find pn.elizabeth because i'm kind of guilty~
i didn't expect her to come and find me!!!
i....
when she told me to stay back on tuesday at 2pm in AVA room,
i wished to tell her i am not qualify for the competition...
i opened my mouth...
i try to speak but no words come out.
i keep quiet again.....
did i do this on purpose?
did i purposely don't want to tell because i want to try in the essay competition?
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
i'm a jerk.
i hate the way i am.........
well,i decided to go and try my luck...
i know it's impossible for me to get something from the competition...
i just want some experience...
i want to try...
i'm wondering how many people from V class is going...
V classes girls always being look down by others...
i want to change the way they look at V classes girls...
but...
well...
i know i don't have the ability but i want to try.
U3!^!^,good luck!!!
haha!

not satisfy...

today we got back our masks....
our class nobody get top 3...
haiz...
i am kind of disappointed.
disappointed not because my mask can't get...
my mask...
i don't really like it especially after i wore it...
my clothes and masks so not match...
i'm unhappy because shiao wenn's mask can't get..
her mask not even get 3rd and i like that mask so much!!!
maybe because her mask only got silver and white colour...
this is 'taylor swift' and her mask...
the part look like gold actually is the reflection of the lights in the ballroom...



this mask nice right?
i'm involve in making this mask but i only make the eyelashes and the feathers...
others all shiao wenn's mother make.
i am unhappy because i make 3 masks but NONE of it get top 3!!!!!!
argh!!!!!!!!!
i know i am not talented in art but i really really really very interested in art...
really really really like art...
yet...i'm not talented enough.
i start to be kind of like my past....
i start to have dreams,hopes and wishes tingy and i hate them!
having these will cause disappointment,worry and FAIL!
i hate the feeling of failing...
i hate losing...i wish to win...
want to win in something i like...
art.
is my handwork thing that ugly?
is it that ugly until can't even get 3rd although not many people hand up their mask?
sometimes i really did feel like i want to stop working on in art stuff because
1st,i'm not talented
2nd,waste time
3rd,i'm not talented
4th,i am good in nothing
5th,no future
someone tell me i'm just lack of confidence...
she think shiao wenn's mask is better than some of the top 3...
maybe she's just lying.
want to make me a little bit happy,a little bit more confident...
haiz~~~~~~~~~~~~
anyway,
i guess now i just need concerntrate in SPM only...
i need to stop all other things...
only think SPM and be hardworking.

p.s.congratulation to the winners!
kole,c.kar yen and an indian girl(i don't know who) congratulation!!!

summary about my trial results...

today i got back my Ekonomi Asas paper...
i got 72...
i'm not very satisfy...
i wish to get A...
anyway...
overall i think i improve...
based on the grades...i improve but the purata...
it's almost same as previous results...
perhaps a few marks decrease...
summary:
i got 5As...
4A1 and 1A2..
1 B3 1 B4 and 2 C5...
the grades improve a lot gua...
lowest marks is 62...
last time lowet marks is 50++ or 40++ ba..
but i'm still not satisfy with my results...
i'm kind of jealous w.mei yan...she got straight As...
she got 7 A1 and 1 A2...
well...
actually she deserves that because she did study very hard...
always see her reading...
i wish i can be as hardworking as her and get all As but i don't think i can do it...
haiz...............

i'm wondering 5V4 got how many people get straight As...
wondering what position will i get this time...
hope i still can get top 5...
actually i wish to get top 3..haha!
but i didn't study much so...
i don't think i can get that top...
anyway,
i need to START STUDYING now!!!
JIA YOU!!!!!
AZA AZA FIGHTING!!!!
GAMBATEH!!!!
GA YAO!!!
haha!
i'm crazy again...

a visit to puan samly's house...

11 October 2009....
went to teacher's house for no reason..
haha:D
erm.....
half of 5V3 2009 went to teacher's house just to eat rendang cooked by teacher...
hahahahahahaha!!!!!!

pn.Salmy...

20 students from my class went there...

a few of them not in this photo...

the middle one refuse to take pic...

i look like i want taller..

haha!

peace!!!

shiao wenn so cute...

got flower leh!

tarik rambut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha!

sandras look like kena buli...

i got buli her meh?

teng teng so cute!

like kena buli until sot jor...

haha!

heart shape...

arvindar pose is~~~~~~~~~~~~

well...don't know how to describe...

shiao wenn kena buli!

hahahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

AH!!!!!!!!!!

a ghost behind us!!!!!!!!!!

arvindar look like ghost la!!!

so 9(cantonese)...................

squeezing into a mirror~~~~~~~~~

haha!

pose!pose!pose!

blek!!!!!!!!!!
ish!!!!!!shiao wenn purposely cover her face...


actually that day not very fun because no games or jokes...
just take pictures...
and eat!eat!eat!!!!
wakakakakakakakakaka!
but oh~
now while looking at those photos we took...
i feel happy!!!
i feel like i am normal...
i mean...
i feel like i'm a normal teenager...
at last,i'm NORMAL!!!!!!!!
muahahahahhahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
oops!crazy again....
i like the food very muchie!
very delicious!haha!

i like my classmates...
we did look like satu Malaysia...
haha!
all different races being friends together...
last time when i was in heron and hornbill...
i can't feel this kind of friendship...
athough i am not very close with the malays,the indians and even the chinese in my class but we did talk to each other,
telling jokes and giving names to each others..haha!
i started that 1st...
i called siti titi,called iryani nini,called chien teng ding dong,called raja jaja and so on...haha=D
i think it's fun ^.^
but i kena called back pulak!
well...in my class i am known as vivi!
i don't like this name...
it sounds like someone pee~~~
haha!
anyway...i'm really happy being in this class although my classmates are extremely NOISY!
haha!
i prefer to be in this class than being in heron/hornbill because when i was in those class,people only talked to me when nobody want to talk to them or when they need my help...
when someone come near me...
they will ask me to help them draw something and stuff like that...
i was being treat as a drawing machine although my drawing is not that nice...
during those posters and banners drawing competition,
they see me as a human...
maybe as a machine...
when those competition ends...i'm invicible again.
i hate that yet i said nothing.
that time,i was used to be a nobody.
maybe it's not their fault.
maybe it's my fault because i don't start to talk with anybody...
but why should i talk 1st???
anyway,
that was my past...
i won't happen again because i want to change.
i don't want to be a nobody anymore...
plus,not everyone treat me that way...
at least there are around 5 girls that treat me as human when i was in heron/hornbill..
around 5...
very sure not more than 5...
now,i'm happy with my life...
whenever i see those pictures of mine with my family,friends and classmates...i feel happy.
when i saw their smile and my smile,
i am grateful that i able to smile...
thanks for those who make me smile again!!!!!!!!
THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you all know who you are right???
thanks~~~~~~~~~
p.s.there is still someone that i don't like her to be my classmate...
even though she's my friends' friend...i still hate her...
this is the 1st time i hate someone more than hating myself and hating drunkard...
whenever i hate someone,it's impossible for me to stop hating that person...
my st.john friends...sorry!
i can't don't hate her...
hope you all don't mind ok?

.........................

yesterday,
something happened..
the stupid banana nickname case...
haiz................
don't know how to start and end this story...
not going to mention...
planning to forget about it...
haha!

well...yesterday night kind of bad mood...
a little bit menyesal curi-curi online because i made someone that is kind of kecil hati angry...
at first leh...
talking about something else but don't know why linked to the banana case...:'(
i pretended to be angry because she think that i told someone that's not close with neither me nor her about her blog...
i mean...why i go and tell people that not close with me or her about her blog?
of course i'll get angry IF i am the kecil hati type...
but i'm not..
i just pretend to be angry...
later she said she angry me pulak...
apa la...why i angry become she angry geh?=_="'
later went to sleep in a bad mood..wondering will the 'history' repeat again...
if i not mistaken...
4-5 years ago because of my stupid mouth that like to simply say things,i cause a 'ship' of mine sank...
this 'ship' sank because i said something stupid and that matter is a very very very small matter...
i scared this ship will sink just like the way that ship sank...
i found that ship that sank years ago...
it's now full of holes...
everytime i saw it,i don't know what to say...
wondering is it totally my fault?
anyway,it's too late.
i can do nothing now.
i just left it there because no point fixing it alone....

another ship that i mention start to be kind of unstable....
yesterday worst...
i guess it's my stupid mouth's fault again...
i was very scared the history happen again...
i don't want this ship to sink.
too many ships of mine have sunk and can't be seen anymore...
yesterday did something to prevent the ship sank...
sms the ship so that the situation won't get worst but kind of too late:'(
anyway,
after i sms this ship,i got a feeling that things won't get worst because i believe this ship is no longer the same...i modified it..haha!
this ship not that kecil hati as the previous ship...
i believe that this ship is kind of forgetful and forgiving?
well,miss ship!is the word forgiving can use on you?
anyway,this stupid event solve already...
i don't think it will get worst.
i hope nothing like this will happen again...
wish me luck!
p.s.do you understand what am i trying to say?the ships i mentioned...is it confusing?anyway,this post is only for me to understand.haha!
______________________________________________
ANOTHER POST...
my trial results....
for my mom to see...
she'll visit my blog whenever she's free...
argh!i still not yet get my EA paper!
SENI-92 [very happy!1st time get 90++]
ENGLISH-87 [shocked]
MATHS-85 [shocked]
MORAL-84 [shocked and happy!from 56 to 84!!!]
ENGLISH LIT.-76 [glad because no notes also able to get 76.thanks to c.kar mun's help!]
PERDAGANGAN-69 [extremely sad!!!i usually get A for this subject!]
SCIENCE-63 [drop a lot]
SEJARAH-61 [worry because got tips also cannot manage to get a B]
EKONOMI ASAS-xx[scared!i didn't study much for this subject!]

haiz.still got gerak gempur but not yet get back EA paper...
no mood study la....
i hate myself!!!
lazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy v!!!!can you please stop being lazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy!!!
everyone!kick or punch me whenever you see me being lazzzzzzzzzzzzzy,ok?
thanks!
haha!

grad nite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 October 2009...
graduation night..
1st time ever i'm happy because i took a lot of photos!!!!!!!!!
photos for me to remember the days i've gone through....
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR TAKING PHOTOS WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!
love you all!!!!
but those photos kind of incomplete and most of them...
i looked weird...
i'm kind of 'kaku'...
and if only simone and jean were there,it will be much more complete.
therefore,
BOTH OF YOU MUST LET ME SEE YOUR PHOTOS ON YOU ALL'S PROM NITE!
haha=D
i reached there at 6.45pm but the dinner start at 7.30pm...
when i got out of the car...people looking at me because i am the only one wearing mask!
ARGH!
well...never mind because i don't want to people know who i am,
don't want them to see my face...
BUT!
they know who i am although i am wearing a mask!!!!!!!
ARGH!!!!!!!!i feel so embarassing..='(
i sat there waiting for someone i'm close with..
waiting for rescue!
i feel extremely weird when people looked at me!!!

when more mgs girls arrived,i wasn't the only one wearing the mask and enter the hotel.
i feel better...

beginning of the dinner,i feel weird because that type of happy and excited atmosphere can't be feel by me...
the table i was sitting(table 18) didn't have such atmosphere...
i was afraid that i'll ruin my memory about the one and only graduation night...

later,
i feel better when someone requested to take photo with me and when i started to walk around asking people to take photos with me!
hehe!!!
happy!!!!!!!!

every photo i took has its own story and i am going to post every photo here with some discribtion...
thus,this is going to be the longest blog i ever post!!!
haha!=D

1st photo...when there is someone that come to rescue me...

in this photo:sandras,shiao wenn,tea
my sister said shiao wenn looks like taylor swift...

my form 2 closer friends...
in this photo:Grace Chan,teH,Lim kAr Mun,Chi LaI May,Bao XiN



just reached ballroom(6th floor)
in this photo:c.ker mun,tea,kole,f.zi hui,stephanie leong,c.kar yen,h.an nei

act mystery..haha!i looked stupid...

in this photo:aileen,alice,c.kar mun,y.wai mei,tea

in this photo:sandy,alice,ckm,ywm,tea

at table 28(last table!)
my classmates!
in this photo:arvindar,chien teng,tea,siti/titi

at table 6...

my classmates...

in this photo:tea,vicki,devi,fei yeng,anne lam,t.kayan

a monkey?orang utan?

whatever..on a tree at the pirates of the carribean deco...

my classmates

in this photo:ember,soh po,sandras,prince(kononnya)

me and my leng lui classmate..syahiza






vicki and someone look like taylor swift!haha

i look like a soh po standing behind there...:'(

in this photo:me and pn.salmy!

my bm teacher

this raveena suddenly came out from no where while i am taking photo with this monkey banana!!!

i forced the so-call-monkey-banana to wear dress!

haha!

my classmates!!!

in this photo:iryani(ni ni),me,arvindar,marissa,siti(titi),aishah

me,arvindar and t.siew yee

weird photo........

the following 3 photos...

form 1 closest friends:

yjm and tea...

she brought kole along to be the camera girl..haha=D

me and min nie
i looked stupid...

m.kar mun and me

me,raja and t.siew yee

me and kole

me and niresh...

only a little bit close during form 2

putt and me...
waited for a lot time to take photo with her because she's too famous!

haha=D

s.yee mun and tea




oops!sandy only got half face!

haha=D

tea and sandy

chien teng and tea

thurga,chien teng,me

lissa,chien teng,me

racheal yau and me...

not close but we got take photo together...

me and a zebra?
one of the animal from tarzan that part..haha!

grace,lai may,shinny,tea,l.kar mun

tea and bao bao

l.jia min and me


me and c.kar yen

kole,koala and me!

hahahahahahaha!

kole and koala...

my class princess and me!

she's very pretty but didn't able to be the one of the 20 miss mgs candidades leh....

not fair...

me,vicki,devi

shajini and me

alice and me

prince and me!

very hard to make her take off the mask to take photo with me!

as i know...only two girls got the chance to take photo with her after she took off the mask...

haha!chien teng,aishah,me!

shiao wenn's "good" skill...

siti,aishah,me

with mask...

tata!without mask!

eng.lit. class girls....

c.kar mun missing!!!

while taking this photo,

lai may came out but kena halau...

haha!

the background..

disney movie UP!

EL class classmate...

my classmates all surprise when they saw me!

most of them said i looked pretty!

thanks to my aunt!

THANK YOU!

p.s.i only used RM 10 to style my hair and makeup...

i got discount...haha=D

the unnoticeable tatoo....

no one notice i got a tatoo...

haiz..

haha!

never mind la..